Mom Writes

A happy goodbye

2008-01-01T00:16:00.000-08:00

Between the Christmas and the New Year's Eve parties; the holiday-inspired eating; the last-minute shopping and wrapping of presents; the phone calls to family and friends; the cleaning, baking, cooking; and--yes--the relaxing, I have found some time to think about my blogging.

After much internal debate, I have decided to stop writing in this particular online forum.

The reasons are many and varied, but most have to do with a growing awareness on my part of an intense desire for more privacy in my life. I have shared a lot of things on this blog: some mundane, some meaningful, some existentially profound (I hope), and some potentially damaging. The Internet never forgets, and that fact has been bothering me more and more lately as I watch my babies grow into children who soon will be online themselves. I can't say that I feel good about everything I've written in this very public arena; I also have the sense that I'm quitting while I'm ahead.

I have received many comments and emails about the things I have chosen to share on this blog. Most of the feedback has been amazingly supportive and kind. My favorite emails were the ones that came from people who had found some kind of strength of their own from seeing me get help for my alcohol addiction.

We all have our weaknesses and our flaws. I've always thought one of the best things about the momosphere--and the writings online by moms--is the honest admittance and discussion of the foibles women tend to discover about themselves when faced with one of the most challenging roles of our lives, the role of mother. In our online confessions and ensuing discussions we find solace from our pain and insecurities. Time and time again I have noticed patterns in the mom-centric blogosphere. We are neither alone nor unique; the struggles that surface are universal. There can be the most wonderful sense of community in this online world, and I have received much satisfaction and benefit from being a part of it for the past several years. I thank all of you for that.

Aristotle wrote that "there is no time without change." It's time for a change, and I know that my closing the door to blogging will be allowing another door to open.

P.S. If you see the February issue of Good Housekeeping magazine, check out my essay "The Valentine Box." (I think that's what they're calling it.) It's based on this blog post that I wrote last February. Hey, there's nothing like going out on a high note, huh?

xoxo
mary

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

2007-12-17T15:56:00.000-08:00

I've decided that I need a vacation from blogging so I'm going to take one. Have a great Christmas and a Happy New Year! I'll be back in 2008.

Santa Mommy reporting

2007-12-16T13:52:00.000-08:00

[Updated: I don't know what I was thinking but it's actually only 8 days until Christmas. Oh my! Maybe I should be panicked after all.]

T minus 11 days! I'm feeling good about this Christmas season. I'm done shopping for the kids and for Mike, and the remaining items on my to-do list aren't keeping me up at night -- always a good sign.

Out of town family members -- Most things got in the mail last week; a couple more packages will hit the counter at the post office tomorrow morning.

Kids -- I'm done shopping for them unless I see some must-have item on deep clearance. They're getting some simple toys, doll clothes, and art supplies. Nothing too fancy. I've been tossing things into a closet for months; I still need to go through everything when the kids are both at school to make sure one child doesn't have a disproportionate number of gifts.

Mike -- I got him a gadget for the geek who has everything. I think he'll get a kick out of it. I'll reveal more after Christmas! I also got him some items of a more practical nature.

Teachers -- I got a small something for each of the head teachers. At Emily's school, a bunch of parents are going in on a present. Thomas is giving each of his teachers a Starbuck's gift certificate.

Holiday baking -- I'm reducing the number and kind of cookies this year. Honestly, it's too much work, plus most people face a plate of cookies with a groan and a frown. This year I'm baking mini loaves of banana bread for the neighbors on either side of us and chocolate chip cookies for the kids's classmates.

We're off to a holiday party, followed by a birthday party at a jump house party place. I have a feeling I'm going to be overdressed at the second party, but that can't be helped.

'Tis the season to be teary

2007-12-14T11:49:00.000-08:00

I don't know what's wrong with me. The other day I was taking the kids to art class when the holiday classic Little Drummer Boy came on the radio. Before I could sing, "pa rum pum pum pum," I was crying so hard I could barely see to drive.

Have you ever listened to the words of that song? It's so sad!

Then Mike sent me a link to this video. In his email he described it as "almost funny." Funny?! Is funny supposed to make you cry? Maybe tears are the new laughter.

Gee, and I haven't even watched It's a Wonderful Life yet. I'm not sure my holiday-stressed hormones can handle it.

Close encounters of the caller ID kind

2007-12-13T09:08:00.000-08:00

"This bottle of champagne is for my hairdresser."

"Is it customary to give your hairdresser a Christmas present?"

"Well, I really like her and I think we have a friendship. Like today when I called to make an appointment, she knew it was me on the phone."

"Oh, you mean she has caller ID?"

...

"Well, maybe you do have a psychic connection. Otherwise, welcome to the nineties."

A perfectly pleasant place

2007-12-12T11:12:00.000-08:00

I was out to dinner with some friends recently and we started talking about the suburban paradise in which we live. Our city, San Mateo, is a suburban town located 20 miles south of San Francisco. It boasts a population of about 92,000 people. It's nice here, certainly a nice place to raise a family. But sometimes it can seem lacking in something that might make it interesting or exciting or anything other than a nice place.

That night we brainstormed some taglines for our pleasant little suburb. I remembered a couple and came up with some more this morning while I was walking around our local indoor mall. Feel free to use these if they also apply to your town!

San Mateo -- A perfectly pleasant place.

San Mateo -- You won't get shot here.

San Mateo -- A nice place to die of old age.

San Mateo -- We're dull on purpose.

San Mateo -- Smile!

San Mateo -- Where people sleep.

San Mateo -- We've had an indoor mall since the 50s.

San Mateo -- A place where grandparents come to visit their grandchildren.

San Mateo -- A perfectly acceptable place to call home.

San Mateo -- A ghost town after 10:00 PM.

San Mateo -- It's nice if you are.

[P.S. Yes, I like living here.]

Hair of the Ruffles

2007-12-11T22:02:00.001-08:00

MOM is just WOW upside down
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Is it possible to get a hangover from too many chips smothered with French onion soup mix dip? If so, I had one this morning after pigging out last night while watching Tivo'd episodes of What Not To Wear. I was tired, my head was throbbing, and my mouth was dry from complete and total salt-based dehydration. Yuck. Not a pleasant way to wake up.

Maybe that's why I was crabby all day, yelling at the kids for being... well, kids. I just wanted to be alone in my chip and dip-induced misery, but today was not a school day. Therefore the kids were at home, and I spent most of the day alternating between picking up toys and screaming at them to help me pick up toys. Finally, around 4:00, when their high-pitched screams of joy woke me up again from the nap I was trying to take on the couch, I made them put on their pajamas with the idea that I was going to send them to bed without their supper. Good riddance!

By 4:30 I realized the error of my ways. Mike had a welding class tonight and wouldn't be home for dinner. I could make something at home out of a frozen chicken breast and half a can of corn (what was in the refrigerator since I didn't make it to the grocery store today). Or I could go out to eat, thereby not having to cook or clean up afterward. But going out to eat meant that I would have to retract my "to bed without supper!" declaration. Decisions, decisions.

Of course, it wasn't like the kids were in bed. Ya, they had their pajamas on but they were doing a whole lot of bouncing off the walls and not a whole lot of sitting quietly while contemplating their sins. Deciding they were too young for that particular punishment--and that I was too lazy to try and drum up dinner at home--I asked them to put their clothes back on; we were going out to dinner.

Not surprisingly, the kids started behaving a lot less like animals and a lot more like well-behaved little people once we were out in public. I felt better, too. Even though in theory I like spending some days at home, the reality is that being inside with the kids for hours on end drives all of us crazy.

After dinner we even went on a Target run. The kids were a little freaked out to be in Target at night, but they quickly got used to the idea and sat nicely in the two-kid train cart while I got the cookie sheets, laundry detergent, and personal hygiene items that I so desperately needed.

The day was saved, but the next time you see me with a bowl of chips cradled in my lap, can you please remind me that eating crap makes me feel like crap? Thanks.

On pirates and horses

2007-12-10T22:46:00.001-08:00

Emily and Santa
Originally uploaded by marytsao

I'm alive!

I'm alive, but busy, busy, busy. What else is new? December is definitely my crazy-making month. Thomas's birthday was a three-day event filled with lots of pirate booty. It started with his actual birthday, which was a family-centric day. The next day he celebrated at preschool with cupcakes. The third day-o-birthday was the day we had his friends over for a pirate-themed party.

The pirate party was a lot of fun, and apparently all the kids were talking about it at school today. Isn't that cute? At the party one kid refused to leave and his mom had to leave him here; his dad finally picked him up an hour and a half after the party ended. I was flattered, but also tired. It had been a long three days and I still needed to get gussied up for the Google holiday party.

Remember that outfit I wore to last year's party? Hopefully not, because I wore that outfit again, from the dress to the make-up. I did get a new jacket and shoes, but the rest was all last year. Wearing the outfit twice suddenly made the cost seem much more reasonable. Plus it was easy, and this year I'm all about the easy. My parents were in town for Thomas's birthday, and my mom was kind enough to watch the kids overnight so Mike and I could have a whole night out and off. I was happy to sleep in a hotel room that had blackout curtains and a breakfast buffet.

My parents returned to Illinois on Sunday, and the Tsao family went on its second flight together with Mike as our pilot. This time we went from Hayward to Watsonville, where we had lunch at Zuniga's, a Mexican restaurant at the airport. After returning from our flight, we went to Fry's Electronics. Because that is what geeky families do for fun.

Today was a typical Monday for me, but tonight Emily met her new best friend, Santa! She decided that this year she wanted to give that guy a big 'ol hug, which she did. Right before asking him for a horse for Christmas. Interesting. I wonder if she'll settle for a book about horses or perhaps a small, stuffed horse.

Well, that's the exciting stuff that's been happening around these parts. Can you believe it's only two weeks until Christmas? Eek!

And the winner is...

2007-12-06T09:41:00.001-08:00

Flying
Originally uploaded by marytsao

The winner of the giant Miffy doll giveaway is Zoe! [UPDATED -- Zoe, Your email address isn't working. Please email me mary dot tsao at gmail dot com and send me your address. Thanks!] Thanks to all who participated.

It's Thomas's 3rd birthday so we've got a full day of fun and tantrums planned. Apparently, Thomas never got the memo that the terrible 2s are supposed to be over.

Hope you're having a great Thursday!

Holiday card roundup 2006

2007-12-05T16:56:00.000-08:00

I did this in 2005, and it was a lot of fun. I meant to do it again in 2006, but then I never got around to it. In fact, I completely forgot about the idea until I discovered a box yesterday filled with--that's right!--the holiday cards we got last year. Therefore, and with the idea that it's never too late, I give you the Holiday Card Roundup 2006.

Holiday Cards: Give and Ye Shall Receive. Donna of Socal Mom echoes this sentiment in her post today about holiday cards, and I'm here to tell you that it's true.

Number of cards mailed: 98
Number of cards received: 51

Number of cards containing or featuring a holiday photo: 35
Number of cards not containing a holiday photo: 16

Number of cards featuring newly married people: 1
Number of cards announcing a new baby: 1
Number of cards announcing a new home: 1

Number of cards featuring children in matching outfits: 5
Number of photos featuring entire families with matching outfits: 0

Number of cards featuring little girls with hair bows: 3
Number of cards featuring a child wearing a Santa hat: 3
Number of cards featuring a child wearing a holiday bandanna: 1

Number of cards featuring a child sucking his thumb: 2
Number of cards featuring a child with his tongue stuck out: 1
Number of cards featuring a child who looked like he was Photoshopped in: 1

Number of cards featuring dogs: 5
Number of cards listing the dog as one of the family members: 3
Number of cards featuring a dog wearing a holiday bandanna: 2
Number of cards featuring a dog wearing reindeer antlers: 1

Number of cards from colleges looking for alumni donations: 2
Number of cards thanking us for supporting a neighbor boy's school fundraising efforts: 1

Number of cards taken in front of the Pacific Ocean: 5
Number of cards taken in front of some other body of water: 1
Number of cards featuring a family that looked cold: 2 (down from 3 last year!)

Number of cards from people I've never met: 2
Number of cards from people I met on the Internet: 2

Number of cards that were hand delivered: 1
Number of cards that came with a check: 1
Number of cards that came with a homemade holiday CD: 1
Number of cards that came with a holiday newsletter: 1

Number of Happy New Year cards: 3
Number of Happy New Year cards that were the exact same design: 2
Number of cards designed by people who clearly hold degrees in graphic design: 2

Number of photos featuring kids cuter than my own: 0

Chicken soup and holiday cards

2007-12-04T23:10:00.001-08:00

Christmas tree: after
Originally uploaded by marytsao

It was raining when we woke up today and shortly after a heavy fog set in. The kids and I decided it was a bad day to leave the house. Instead we stayed inside, where we ate brownies, made chicken soup, and addressed the envelopes for our holiday cards. The kids ate the brownies; I did the rest.

It feels good to have the holiday cards off my to-do list. Yesterday we finished the holiday decorating, and now it's full steam ahead to Thomas's 3rd birthday on Thursday and his birthday party on Saturday. This year it's all about his preschool and playgroup friends so I'm mentally preparing myself for a dozen little people running around in pirate gear. Should be crazy but a lot of fun, too.

It's that busy time of the year. Lazy days like today are good for me. I'm trying to take care of myself by not overdoing and getting too stressed out about trivial stuff. So far I think it's working; I don't feel nearly as crazed as I did this time last year. Let's hope that's still true after this upcoming weekend. Note to self: Don't forget to breathe!

My Kingdom for a Miffy

2007-12-03T07:36:00.000-08:00

What a great weekend. It was so nice not to have to blog or work on a novel. I want to tell you all about what I did do, but first I promised my good friend Mir that I would help her in her quest to give away a bunch of adorable, giant Miffy dolls.

Want one?

Here's the deal:

See that Miffy doll to the right? Please note that she is 28" tall and a Ty's exclusive. Also note that she is wearing pajamas, not a space suit.
Ty's would like to give you one of these, through a random drawing on my blog.
Due to the gigantic nature of the box in which Miffy will be shipped, this offer is for U.S. residents only.
To enter, go to Ty's Toy Box and browse their merchandise. Then come back here and leave a comment telling me which Ty's item caught your eye. For example, I think I would die from cute overload if I saw my little guy in a pair of these Curious George gym shoes.
You have until 11:59 PM on Wednesday night to leave a comment. Don't forget to tell me what item you like!
On Thursday morning I will randomly pick a winning commenter while drinking my morning coffee and announce it on ye olde blog.
That lucky person will receive their very own Miffy doll, courtesy of Ty's.

Easy enough, eh? Mir also wants me to tell you that right now Ty's is offering automatic free shipping on domestic orders over $65 (and a $10 shipping credit for international orders over $65), and that through December 3rd (that's today!) you can also use coupon code HOLIDAY5 to take $5 off a $50+ order.

Good luck, my friends. May the Miffy be with you.

NaBloPoMo happy dance

2007-11-30T13:00:00.000-08:00

Freakazoids, robots, please report to the dance floor.

I did it! I posted every day this month, thereby successfully completing National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo). I did it! Go me.

I'm going to take the weekend off. You're probably just as happy about this idea as I am. I'm sick of this daily posting business, and the Tsao family is pretty busy this weekend. We've got tree shopping, tae kwon do class, hair cuts, and my annual mothers club holiday tea planned. And that's just tomorrow.

Tomorrow night Mike and I are hitting San Francisco dressed like sluts. Woot! What started out as one invite to a big birthday bash at 330 Ritch (my friend and a bunch of her friends rented an entire nightclub to celebrate their birthdays) has turned into three invitations for parties scattered throughout The City. Lookout world, oldies on the loose!

On Sunday we're all aboard the Polar Express train ride at the California State Railroad Museum in Sacramento. That should be fun. We also need to squeeze in some tree decorating before I meet a group of women writer friends for coffee and dessert.

A busy, busy holiday weekend filled with family and friends. I'm excited already.

Manic magic

2007-11-29T22:31:00.000-08:00

If I hadn't lived it myself, I wouldn't believe how insane a day of holiday decorating could be. It's crazy! First, you open the closet containing the boxes of holiday decor. You think pulling down the boxes and distributing the gold and red wealth around the house will be easy. Then everything you shoved in the closet the past year falls on your head and you realize that in order to get to the Christmas stuff buried deep in the back, you first have to organize the closet. Which leads to headache and hassle and piles of stuff destined for either the garbage can or the Goodwill store. Finally, sometime around noon (you started bright and early at 8:00), you can't even remember what your original goal was for the day. All you know is that every room of the house has piles of stuff in it, you've already done three loads of laundry, and your morning cup of coffee is sitting cold on the counter.

You know those decorating shows on TV? They lie! Decorating is hard work, a dirty business, I tell ya!

But I realize now, in the glow of soft lighting, that I did get a bunch of stuff done today and our house is almost holiday-ready. We're getting our tree on Saturday and will probably decorate it on Sunday. Today I put a small, fake tree in the kids's bedroom and Emily asked me if it meant Santa would leave them presents in their room, too. And you know what? That's exactly why I turn into manic Mary during this time of the year. A pre-decorated tree I just pulled from a box in the closet has the potential to equal magic to my kids. With Emily four years old and Thomas three years old, I think this will be our best Christmas yet.

---

A quick recap of yesterday: I haven't blogged about it, but I've been doing some writing-type work for PickPackGo, a vacation rental company started by some friends of mine. My official job title is City Host. The lovely Julie is a city host, too.

Yesterday I drove into The City to visit PickPackGo. It was neat spending some time in an office, especially since I didn't actually have to sit at a desk and work or anything. I just got to play dress up and go to a meeting, after which I returned to my regularly scheduled life. It was a brief--yet fun--diversion. If you're interested, here's something I wrote for PickPackGo about kid-friendly adventures in San Francisco.

Visiting PickPackGo

After the meeting, I returned home to pick up the kids from preschool. Then the three of us returned to San Francisco for--guess what--a kid-friendly adventure. First we did some kid clothes shopping at the H&M in the Westfield Mall, then we saw Enchanted, checked out the kittens and puppies in the window at Macy's, and visited the big Christmas tree in Union Square. Emily loved Enchanted, except she thought the prince's stepmother was "not a very nice girl." I agree, but since she was played by Susan Sarandon I had to love her despite her evil ways. Thomas's favorite part of the movie was the peanut M&Ms I bought him. Which was why I had to pry the half-empty bag from his hands after he threw a sugar-induced tantrum in front of Macy's.

Oh, that holiday magic. Pictures of our fieldtrip are on Flickr.

Goodness me, when will this hell called NaBloPoMo be over

2007-11-28T20:26:00.001-08:00

Emily's second gold star
Originally uploaded by marytsao

"If it wasn't for the focus and determination I learned in karate, I would still be in karate right now."
[The Onion: Karate Lessons Give Child Self-Confidence To Quit Karate]

I had a long, fun-filled day, which I will blog about tomorrow. Right now I am tired and want to vegetate in front of the boob tube.

You understand.

For the love of lentils

2007-11-27T20:08:00.000-08:00

One of Mike's signature dishes is a yummy little something called Savory Lentils with Goat Cheese. He discovered it in The Soy Zone cookbook. This dish is so good that you will find yourself shoveling spoonfuls of it into your mouth long after you've finished dinner; you will eat it until there's nothing left and then you will lick the bowl. The night you eat it you will dream about lentils, and the next day you will consider making it again. For breakfast.

This dish is that good.

I served it last night as a side dish to a roast chicken. We had blackberries with a squirt of whipped cream for dessert. Yum. God Bless Barry Sears.

Savory Lentils with Goat Cheese
1 cup lentils, rinsed and drained
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 cups water
1 clove garlic, minced
2 tablespoons cilantro
2 tablespoons chives, chopped
1 1/3 teaspoons olive oil
Juice of 1 lime
4 ounces goat cheese, room temperature
1/8 teaspoon freshly ground pepper, or to taste
2 radicchio leaves for garnish

In a medium saucepan, place lentils, 1/4 teaspoon of the salt, and water. Bring to a boil and simmer for about 20 minutes or until lentils are tender, but still have texture. Remove from heat and drain.

In a medium-size bowl, mix lentils, garlic, cilantro, and chives together. Add olive oil and lime juice. Toss gently.

Before serving, fold in goat cheese. Season with remaining salt and pepper. Arrange radicchio leaves on plate. Spoon salad onto radicchio and serve.

Serves 2 as a hearty side dish

P.S. My mouth watered as I typed the recipe. Now that's love.

It's beginning to look a little bit like Christmas

2007-11-26T16:26:00.001-08:00

NaNoWriMo is over!! That calls for two exclamation points, people. I had no problem reaching the magical word count of 50,000 yesterday, and this is what I got for my trouble:

Woot! This makes me happy.

I am declaring today to be the official start of winter and thus the start of the season formerly known as Christmas and now known as holiday. I'm putting away the throw pillows and candles colored plum and pulling out the decorating accessories colored cranberry, red, and gold. Bring on the red plaid, baby! I picked up our Christmas wreaths today at Trader Joe's ($12 -- what a bargain!), and there's a pot of red and white cyclamen on our back patio. The bath towels adorned with Christmas trees are hanging in the bathroom, and the Advent calendars are awaiting Saturday morning and the official countdown to Christmas.

Oh, and people? I haven't even taken the official holiday boxes out of the closet yet. Look out.

In other sweet news, our holiday cards have been printed and are on their way to us. Doods, the joy of the season is upon me in a big way. I am feeling the love.

I'm also sending out the love to a couple of family members who might need good thoughts sent their way. My cousin recently had her second baby in a year. That's right: two babies less than twelve months apart. That automatically makes her a saint as far as I'm concerned. I wish I lived closer to her so that I could cook her a meal; luckily she's got a strong support network of family members who live close by. I'm also thinking about my aunt who went in for surgery today. Fingers crossed that all goes well with that.

By the way, has anybody on the planet ever run into Michael's craft store for one small thing--in my case, gold spray paint--and come out with a shopping cart full of projects, picture frames, cookie tins, washable markers, pine cones scented like cinnamon, and wired ribbon? Oh good, so I'm not alone.

0 to 20 in 50,000 words

2007-11-25T09:51:00.001-08:00

New Mexico vacation
Originally uploaded by marytsao

I'm going to finish NaNoWriMo today. I'm at 47,551 words, and there's nothing that's going to get in the way of me writing the remaining 2,449 by day's end. Mike and the kids just left for a fieldtrip involving a train ride so I know the house will be empty for at least a couple of hours. The quiet is beautiful.

Finishing NaNoWriMo for the third year in a row is going to feel good. Heck, it already feels good. More than good, it feels like a habit. And from the advice I've read, the key to writing is to make it a habit.

That's not to say that I won't be grateful when NaNoWriMo is over and I can kick this habit and begin to think about preparing for Thomas's birthday, whether or not Baskin-Robbins can make an ice cream cake with a pirate motif, decorating the house for Christmas, which cookies I want to bake this year, what craft projects would make good gifts for relatives who are under obligation to like them, how to get through the holiday season without gaining ten pounds, and other very important things. Anything other than the minutiae of my life and the chronological order in which these precious moments occurred.

At this point, my memoir could be titled "All plod, no plot." I'm just trying to get down as much as I can remember without embellishment or thematic leanings. And that means that after writing 50,000 words--roughly 85 single spaced pages--I will end up about 3 months shy of my 20th birthday. In other words, not done. In fact, only about halfway done since I now am almost 40.

But I will be done for this year's NaNoWriMo, and happy to have gotten down on paper as much as I did. Because really, who knows what child rearing-induced brain damage will occur between now and the next time I want to think about how I once got an F in a college sociology class because the night before the final exam I went to a Grateful Dead concert and didn't make it home until 4:00 A.M.? Ah, good times, and a true spiritual journey filled with hard knocks of the mostly self-inflicted variety.

Until it's Monday, Happy Sunday.

Flight of faith

2007-11-24T11:36:00.001-08:00

First Family Flight
Originally uploaded by marytsao

In honor of Mike getting his pilot's license, yesterday we went on--and survived!--our first family flight. Mike was our pilot and we flew from San Carlos to Half Moon Bay and back. Our original plan was to land at Half Moon Bay then walk to get ice cream, but some turbulence meant it would have been a bumpy landing. Mike decided to spare us the teeth-clenching excitement on our very first flight with our newly-licensed pilot. Instead, we turned around and flew back to San Carlos. And then we drove our car to get ice cream.

The flight was relatively uneventful--in a good way--except for the wind that came off the coastal mountain range as we flew into and around Half Moon Bay. Bouncing around in a tiny plane over the Pacific Ocean, one can't help but think about the watery deaths of guys like John Denver and John F. Kenney, Jr.. Rest in peace, dudes.

I'll admit it: I was scared.

But what is a life without fright? A sorry one, that's for sure. Besides, "your chances of being involved in an aircraft accident are about 1 in 11 million. On the other hand, your chances of being killed in an automobile accident are 1 in 5000. Statistically, you are at far greater risk driving to the airport than getting on an airplane."

So there. Just keep repeating that statistic to yourself the whole time you're up in the air and you'll be fine.

And of course, when we weren't bouncing around like a Jack-in-the-box and my stomach wasn't lodged in my throat, the experience was really cool. Yesterday the skies were blue and it was warm and clear. It was fun to fly over all of the cars of people driving like maniacs to get to the shopping malls for Black Friday deals. I'm so proud of Mike for having the tenacity to stick with his flight training and get his license.

Pictures on Flickr. Happy day after Black Friday!

Thanksgivings past

2007-11-23T13:17:00.000-08:00

As you know, I am using this year's NaNoWriMo as an excuse to write my memoir. This activity has forced me to think about how handy it would be if I documented more of my life as it was happening, rather than waiting thirty years and having to use my feeble, aging brain to remember things.

Therefore, here is a rundown of all of the Thanksgivings I have spent with my husband. Try not to fall asleep, okay?

Thanksgiving 2002: I was pregnant with Emily. Mike and I were newly married. We went to Santa Cruz to spend Thanksgiving with Mike's mother Jewel and sister Jennie.

No picture available. This was BK (before kids) and before we took pictures of every life event, no matter how large or how small.

Thanksgiving 2003: Emily was 4 months old. We went to San Francisco to spend Thanksgiving with Jennie and her boyfriend Nick, Mike's dad Denis, and family friend Daisy.

Witness the world's cutest baby at her first Thanksgiving celebration.

Thanksgiving 2004: Emily was a year old. I was pregnant with Thomas and weeks away from giving birth. We hosted Thanksgiving and invited Jennie and (now) brother-in-law Nick, Nick's sister and boyfriend, and Denis.

This photo is from another day right around that time. Surprisingly--or not--I took no photos that holiday.

Thanksgiving 2005: Emily was two years old. Thomas was almost one year old. We hosted Thanksgiving. Jennie and Nick came over and were kind enough to help us take that year's Christmas photo.

Food made by our good friends at Whole Foods.

Thanksgiving 2006: Emily was three years old. Thomas was almost two years old. We hosted Thanksgiving. Jennie and Nick came over with their new baby Alex. Jewel and Denis were here, too.

2006 was the first year I documented Thanksgiving in a blog post.

Thanksgiving 2007: Emily is four years old. Thomas is almost three years old. We drove less than two miles from our house to spend Thanksgiving with our good friends Dave and Miriam. Their daughter Sarah was born less than two weeks before Emily, and they'll be starting kindergarten together next fall.

The kid table rocks, and I am thankful.

Gobble, gobble, gobble

2007-11-22T21:43:00.001-08:00

Thanksgiving 2007
Originally uploaded by marytsao

It's hard to believe that I'll ever be hungry again. Our friends Dave and Miriam put together the usual spread: turkey, homemade cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed potatoes, rolls, salad, green beans. Am I missing something? Dessert consisted of pumpkin pie, cheesecake, brownies, and apple tarts. Whipped cream on everything. The company was amazing, and the conversation flowed like wine. The kids entertained themselves, and it was just a nice day all around.

Before we ate, we went around the table and said what we were thankful for. I said that I was thankful for a healthy appetite and for good friends.

Other things for which I am thankful on this fine November day:

I made it through the day without drinking, and you know, it's not easy to do that sometimes. Especially when the wine is flowing and memories of Thanksgivings past remind me of how fun it is to wash down turkey with a whole lot of vino. But I refrained and now I'm awake to write this blog post instead of passed out in front of the television. Yay, me.

Mike got his private pilot's license! This is the big secret I've hinted about in the past, although for the love of me I can't find the specific blog post in which I did my hinting. A series of unfortunate events delayed him taking his test until today. Yes, that's right, Mike missed Thanksgiving with us and our friends because he was taking this exam. We didn't know he would have to miss the party until today. When we found out, I was happy for Mike that he was finally going to get his chance to take the exam but also a little sorry for myself that I had to go to the party without him. But the feeling passed after I was with my friends, and everything is better now that Mike's passed this freakin' test. He even made it to Thanksgiving dinner in time to enjoy the second round of desserts.

My NaNoWriMo word count is up to 42,000. I'd doing it, people. I even wrote 2,000 words today after we got home from our Thanksgiving party. It feels good to know that I've got only 8,000 more words to write and I'll be done. Done!

Thankful

2007-11-21T14:42:00.001-08:00

Thomas is thankful
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Today I had the joy of going to a Thanksgiving feast at Thomas's preschool. It was so sweet. The teacher lined up all of the kids and had them sing a song: THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, FOR MOMS AND DADS AND FRIENDS AND SUCH...* Then each child presented his or her parent with a laminated picture that also contained a special Thanksgiving message that the child had dictated to the teacher. The picture Thomas made for me read, "I am thankful for my daddy and my mommy make me happy." Somebody hand me a tissue! After some discreet wiping away of tears, everybody feasted on a potluck buffet that included corn dogs, pizza, pretzels, brownies, and homemade mac-n-cheese. I made turkey and cheese sandwiches, but Thomas liked the cupcakes with sprinkles the best. Naturally.

Emily's school had a feast, too, and Emily realized that she does like pumpkin pie. There was some question earlier today about whether or not she liked pumpkin pie, and it turns out that she does. Oh, happy day. Her school collected food that will go to a local agency for families who need some help this year. They put together four large baskets of food.

We've done our shopping and we're all set for tomorrow's celebration. Our friends Dave and Miriam have been kind enough to take on the cooking and cleaning duties. We'll show up at their house tomorrow with our mascarpone and cranberry cheese spread, creamy green beans, and Costco cheesecake and appreciate their hospitality very much. Thank you, thank you indeed!

Because there's no reason for me to scurry around cleaning my house, I'm taking the kids to the park. Happy Thanksgiving!

*Yes, I got it on video.

Gold star girl

2007-11-20T13:17:00.001-08:00

Emily's first gold star for excellence during Tae Kwon Do class
Originally uploaded by marytsao

I'm feeling swamped with a big 'ol to do list. Here's a short and sweet post about Emily, our gold star girl. Conversation snippet courtesy of Mike.

Emily: Dad, why did you get us a mouse?

Dad: Because I want both of you to learn how to use a computer. When you go to school and the teacher says it's time to learn how to use computers, you can raise your hand and say "Teacher, I already know how to use a computer!"

Emily: But Dad, at school we're learning about turkeys and books.

Girl, you know it's true

2007-11-19T07:41:00.000-08:00

Happy Monday. We had a crazy thing happen over here on Saturday. It was so crazy that I had to take several deep breaths into a brown paper sack. It was so crazy that I had to remind myself over and over again in my outside voice, "You are only human! You are doing the best that you can!"

On Saturday the crazy thing that happened was that we received our first holiday card of the season. Yes, that's right; this year we received our first holiday card on November 17. I didn't even have our holiday photo taken and we were already receiving cards. Well, card. But still! The season has officially begun! The pressure is on! Succeed, mothers of the suburban universe, succeed!

(I'm not sure why, but I have an irrational fear that I'll forget to do my holiday cards on time. It's kind of like that anxiety dream where you forget to wear your clothes to school. I'll have to bring it up with my therapist and see what she thinks.)

Understanding what a lunatic I am about this holiday card business, you will be happy to know that yesterday Mike set up the tripod and camera and we got a GREAT shot of the family by using our new mantra: "A skittle for a smile!" This year our holiday photo features four people who are all looking at the camera and smiling, a first for the Tsao family. Except for the obvious fact that Mike and I are aging rapidly, the shot was so great we wasted not a second and ordered our holiday photo cards. The cards will be delivered in plenty of time for me to address the envelopes and drop them into a stuffed mailbox. That will be a happy day for sure.

I keep telling Mike that we should be very proud of ourselves for pulling together and getting this done as a team, but he doesn't understand the taking of a family photo as a reason to feel good. I guess he saves that prideful feeling for things like graduating law school or doing really well in a poker tournament. Whatever. *Holds up fingers in shape of a W* I'm proud of us. This is the fifth year that we've managed to keep up with the tradition of the holiday photo card, and I think they should hand out awards for that kind of thing, yes, I do.

What about you? Do you do a holiday card? With a photo? With a photo of the whole family or just the kids and the dog? Just wondering.

House of change

2007-11-18T09:42:00.000-08:00

There are big changes going on here at the Casa de Tsao.

We've decided to go bunk bed.

Yesterday we went to the place where dreams can be bought inexpensively, IKEA, and got a bunk bed. It's being delivered today. Last night was Thomas's last night in the crib, and tonight both he and Emily will begin what is known in family circles as "sharing a room."

I was against this idea originally, but in a moment of NaNoWriMo-inspired weakness I relented and agreed to Mike's plan. Emily and Thomas will share Thomas's room; my crafty decorating skills will bring it to life as an all gender-encompassing wonderland. The playroom, which lacks heat and insulation in half of it thereby making it unsuitable for a small child's bedroom, will remain the playroom. Emily's big closet turned tiny bedroom will become home to the crib and may one day also host a small, wailing thing, if our scheme to procreate becomes a reality. My office remains the office/guest bedroom. Mike's office remains his office. Oh, and our bedroom remains our bedroom. All other rooms remain as is.

Whew. Welcome to my world.

In other family news, today is the day that we will dress up in our color-coordinated outfits chosen with care by yours truly and attempt to take a photo special enough to grace the cover of our holiday card. Unfortunately, our photographer had to cancel at the last minute due to a death in her family and so we are relying on ye olde tripod and timer method to get our perfect shot. Bwahahahahahaha! Insert maniacal laughter here.

It's only 10:00 AM and already it feels like midnight.

Goodbye to the best houseguest ever

2007-11-17T11:06:00.000-08:00

Flat Stanley doesn't live here anymore. Today I folded him up, put him in an envelope, and sent him back to the 5th grade classroom from whence he came. Included in the envelope was a 12-page book I wrote telling his friends all about Flat Stanley's adventures in Northern California. The book included pictures and is much nicer than anything I've ever put together for Emily or Thomas.

While visiting us, Stanley:

Danced with Matt Harding in Alamo Square Park.
Visited San Francisco's oldest building, the Mission Dolores (built in 1776), and had a picnic lunch at Dolores Park.
Drove over the Golden Gate Bridge and had his picture taken standing next to it.
Went to a pumpkin patch, bounced in a bouncy house, and picked out pumpkins to take home.
Checked out the art cars at the Art Car Festival and had his picture taken next to the art car that he liked the best.
Went to all kinds of children's museums, including the Exploratorium, the best children's museum in San Francisco.
Ate dinner every night with the family and discussed his day and his feelings.
Went on an airplane ride in a 1972 Cessna.
Visited Google Headquarters in Mountain View, checked out what computer programmers do for a living, and saw a replica of SpaceShipOne.

Stanley was seriously the best houseguest we've ever had; I almost forgot that he needed to go home. We were sad to see him go.

I hope we'll be able to teach his 5th grade friends some things about the geography and life in the Bay Area. Bye, Flat Stanley! We'll miss you!

Haiku Friday: Five Yearssssss

2007-11-16T12:27:00.001-08:00

Cuddle snakes
Originally uploaded by marytsao

A slew of haikus in honor of our fifth wedding anniversary:

Prelude
I knew you from work
We met up at Burning Man
You said you loved me

One
At the one year mark
Emily was five months old
Work and life a blur

Two
Thomas in the womb
The year was 2004
Home is where we are

Three
Two kids, one nanny
Mommy does NaNoWriMo
Life's a rich reward

Four
Four years and counting
The adventure continues
Time seems to fly by

Five
Year five was a gift
With a certificate of
Authenticity

Summary, Courtesy of Erasure
Come to me, c'mon
And hold me, together we'll
Break these chains of love

Seven songs

2007-11-15T09:10:00.000-08:00

Glennia of The Silent "I" tagged me for a music meme. I list seven songs that I'm into right now, then tag seven people to do the same.

Hello and welcome to NaBloPoMo day 15.

I guess this is the part where I admit that I only listen to music when I'm in the car, and that lately I have been listening almost exclusively to XM Radio Channel 44, Fred: From the early days to the new wave. Ground-breaking alternative music from the late '70s through the early '90s.

Hello and welcome to my life as a thirty nine-year old suburban housewife.

Seven songs I'm (re)liking right now

"Blasphemous Rumours" by Depeche Mode

"I Started Something" by The Smiths

"The Promise" by When in Rome

"Chains of Love" by Erasure

"I Wanna Be Sedated" by the Ramones

"Everything's Gone Green" by New Order

"Lucretia My Reflection" by Sisters of Mercy

And a bonus song because I've got to list something by The Cure

"Jumping Someone Else's Train" by The Cure

Seven people who can thank me for giving them something to blog about during this month-long pain known as NaBloPoMo

Oh, you know who you are.

Any post will do

2007-11-14T07:45:00.002-08:00

It's day fourteen of NaBloPoMo. Today I will reach the halfway mark with my NaNoWriMo novel-turned-memoir (25,000 words).

You? Are thrilled.

As seen on Geeky Mom, the Shakespeare Quote Generator:

The tempter or the Mary Tsao, who sins most?

Which work of Shakespeare was the original quote from?

Looking like him, cleaning like me, reading like the best of us

2007-11-13T09:11:00.001-08:00

Emily
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Emily has amazed me lately with her cleaning abilities. Yesterday I asked her to clean her room, and--get this--she did! She got everything up off her floor and onto her bookshelf, and she even organized the things on her bookshelf. Books went with books. Hair ties went with hair ties. Doll clothes went with doll clothes. I was shocked and also ecstatic. Knowing how to clean a room is a life skill that eludes many adults. Emily rocks.

Another example of her helpfulness was when I asked her to put a cracker box in the recycling pile on the counter. She did so, and later I realized that she also had broken down the box, flattening it so that it could go straight into a bag for recycling. Wow! At four years old, she has figured out something that most guys in their early thirties still don't know.

What the hell, as long as I'm bragging, I'll just come out and say that she's started learning how to read. She kept bugging Mike to teach her words when he read to her at night, so he started creating simple sentence worksheets that they go over daily. Now all I hear is, "Mommy, what does k-e-t-c-h-u-p spell?" and "Mommy, I just saw the! The is on that sign!" She's on her way to becoming a reader, which means I no longer can spell out words like c-a-n-d-y when I don't want her to know what I'm talking about.

Exciting times. Sometimes I'm afraid to blink.

Not a first, but maybe a second or a third

2007-11-12T16:46:00.001-08:00

Emily and the Maneki Neko
Originally uploaded by marytsao

This past weekend we did something as a family that we rarely do; we ate every meal at home.

OMG!!1!

Of course the weekend doesn't include Friday night, when we had dinner at California Pizza Kitchen, but we usually go out to eat at least once and sometimes twice over Saturday and Sunday. This weekend we didn't do that, opting instead to eat the following "prepared at home" meals:

Saturday
Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with cheese, served with tortillas and salsa
Lunch: Grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup with canned mandarin oranges for dessert
Dinner: Rice with dal makhani and paneer tikka masala (Indian heat-n-serve food); the kids had buttered noodles

Sunday
Breakfast: Whole grain waffles (frozen, from Trader Joe's) with turkey sausages and bananas
Lunch: Samosas (frozen, from Namaste Indian Market in Belmont), Zataran's jambalaya mix with added chicken, turkey, and garlic sausage
Dinner: Japanese-style curry with added carrots and onion over Trader Joe's chicken nuggets and rice (I should post the recipe for this -- it's easy and tastes a lot like chicken katsu), green salad

So there you have it, an accurate picture of what we typically eat. We definitely rely on food that's easy to put together and get to the table in under thirty minutes, usually under fifteen minutes. My favorite dish was the paneer tikka masala and the kids enjoyed the grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup the most. I must have had that same meal at east once a week when I was a kid so I understand its attraction!

---

To commemorate today's Veterans Day holiday, the kids and I went on a fieldtrip to San Francisco's Japantown. I was particularly interested in seeing the Peace Pagoda and the eternal flame.

The weather was beautiful and the kids had a good time running around the Peace Plaza before scarfing down their Bullet Train bento lunch at Mifune restaurant. They also enjoyed eating my chicken and egg soba noodles.

But here's the best part: As she was leaving, a nice Japanese auntie leaned over to pat me on the shoulder and tell me that my children were very well behaved. High praise! A good day, indeed.

By the light of the Duraflame log

2007-11-11T09:18:00.001-08:00

Happy kids
Originally uploaded by marytsao

It rained last night but today the sun is shining and the world outside is clean and new. As Thomas says, "It's a morning day." Inside, I've started a fire in the living room fireplace and after enjoying a breakfast of waffles and sausages, I'm settling in to write the 4,000 words it will take to get me to the 20,000 word mark.

But before I begin, I must ponder such questions as: Why do we have so many magazines? When was the last time I got my hair cut? and Is taking two preschoolers to San Francisco's Chinatown by myself a good idea or a bad one?

Well, I've spent enough time pondering life's questions; now I'm off to write, write, write. Hope your Sunday is cozy and warm and filled with the light of a 1000 Duraflame logs.

Honk if you heart spinach

2007-11-10T11:04:00.000-08:00

While driving home from San Francisco yesterday, I saw a pick-up truck with "Honk if you heart spinach" written across the back.

I honked.

Family lore has it that when pregnant with me and my sister, my mother's favorite snack food was spinach. I don't know how she ate this leafy veggie, whether it was fresh in a salad or as a side dish to a bowl of ice cream, but I imagine that it was straight from the can and warmed up on the stove, since that's the only way I can remember spinach being served when I was a small child.

Now you have to remember that my mother gave birth to twins, two seven pound babies, a feat the details of which she has permanently removed from her memory banks because it was so horrible. Two seven pound babies in one tiny uterus is quite an accomplishment; clearly the spinach had something to do with it.

Here's an easy recipe and a good way to get an entire day's worth of vegetable servings in one sitting. I dedicate this recipe to my mother, who did her best to instill in me a love of spinach before I was even born.

Scrambled spinach with eggs

Olive oil spray (or butter)
One bag pre-washed baby spinach
3 eggs
cheese (optional)
seasoning salt
pepper
garlic powder

* Spray large skillet with olive oil spray. Warm over medium heat.

* Empty entire bag of spinach into skillet, stir to coat with spray and sprinkle with a little bit of garlic powder. Leave alone.

* Meanwhile, scramble three eggs. Add cheese if desired and a sprinkling of seasoning salt and pepper.

* Return to spinach, stirring until all is wilted and has become a mound of green goodness. This process takes only 3-5 minutes total.

* Add egg mixture to skillet with spinach, and stir to scramble. Take pan off heat when eggs have reached desired hardness.

* Serve with buttered toast or a warm tortilla. Especially good with salsa!

* Serves two.

Bee plus

2007-11-09T08:33:00.000-08:00

It's Haiku Friday:

Bee Movie is out
I took the kids to see it
Is honey funny?

Do you have the most wonderful weekend in the world planned? I hope so! The two littlest Tsaobugs will be going to Tae Kwon Do class (more about that later); Emily and I are going to see a local production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat; and I am going to a party with some of the wonderful ladies from the Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

I'll also be working on my NaNoWriMo project. I'm at the 13,500 word mark and would like to be at the 20,000 word mark by Sunday night. Good luck to me because frankly, I need it!

TGIF!

Take note, you weak, whiney whisps and loose, lazy lumps

2007-11-08T07:49:00.000-08:00

Mike sent me a link to a post by Dave of Iowahawk about a 1942 pamphlet titled My Book to Help America. This book for children was written shortly after the bombing of Pearl Harbor by author Munro Leaf. Dave scanned the book and posted it in its entirety.

Leaf wrote the book for kids about how they could help with the war effort of the time, but I like some of the advice for today's youth, too. For example: "Let's obey cheerfully, do it with a smile and not be a gloomy sour-face."

You hear that, Emily and Thomas?!

It's good advice for kids of any age. In fact, I think I'll take it myself.

Annoying little thing called NaNoWriMo

2007-11-07T07:46:00.000-08:00

Almost one week into NaNoWriMo and I am experiencing the pain. Physically, my wrists hurt if I attempt more than 2000 words in one day. Mentally, there's always this nagging little voice in my inner ear, reminding me that I HAVE SOMETHING TO DO. That something, of course, is making my daily word count.

But here's the interesting thing: I have been amazingly productive this month. This isn't so surprising because many times procrastination comes disguised as productivity. Wait, did I just schedule our holiday photo shoot, buy all of the supplies for Thomas's birthday party in December, find a babysitting situation for our wedding anniversary night out, vacuum the entire house, clean two toilets with an old toothbrush, and do a yoga DVD while waiting for my hair dye to work? I must have a novel to write!

Speaking of which...

Four confessions for a Tuesday

2007-11-06T10:18:00.000-08:00

Confession: After seeing that kid eat Cheetos at the symphony, I have been craving Cheetos. Yesterday I bought some semi-not so bad for you Cheeto-alikes at Trader Joe's, and goodness if those things weren't delicious. No wonder that kid felt compelled to eat them during the performance.

Confession: Once upon a time, I considered over-the-top birthday parties to be a frivolous waste of money and the kind of thing that parents who don't actually love their children do for them in a desperate attempt to appease their own guilt. As a parent who very much loves her children and who hired a rock band for her daughter's fourth birthday, I now understand that parents plan elaborate birthday parties to heal wounds leftover from their own childhood.

Confession: Yesterday I realized that our house phone message machine had over 40 unheard messages on it, going back to early June. While I went through all of them I cursed my husband for his silent declaration that the house phone (and the answering of it) falls outside of his jurisdiction. I also cursed myself for not having the guts to hit "erase all."

Confession: Sometimes I feel like Julie from The Love Boat. Do all moms/wives feel like they are the cruise director for their family or is it just me?

Assuring my posthumous longevity

2007-11-05T07:29:00.001-08:00

Mother daughter close-up
Originally uploaded by marytsao

I've decided to cheat at this year's NaNoWriMo. I still am going to pound out 50,000 words or more during the month of November. I still am going to isolate myself in my home office for hours on end while the children wreak havoc on the rest of the house. I still am going to end up with a tale that has a beginning, a middle, and something of an ending.

But this year, instead of writing a novel starring characters that probably bear strong resemblance to family members, I am doing something different. I am writing my memoir, the autobiographical account of my life from birth to the age I am now, thirty nine glorious years old.

I'm writing my life story for a number of reasons. One, I think my story is interesting, just like I think your story is interesting. Two, I feel compelled to make a record of the things only I know, things I may one day forget as age and time take me to a different place in history. Three, I hope my children will one day find my story interesting, too.

To support point number three, I recently came across an article in the October issue of Travel and Leisure: Golf magazine. Written by Jack and John Garrity, it is explained in the preface to the piece that Jack Garrity is John Garrity's dad and that he passed away in 1990. Among the things he left behind was "a typed manuscript of two hundred pages." In his case, "a golfer's memoir." Son John turned an excerpt from the memoir into an article, inserting his own comments in various places. Even though I'm not passionate about golf, I was fascinated by the story behind the piece. What a wonderful legacy for a father to pass to a son.

That's what I'm doing for this year's NaNoWriMo, and to give you an idea of how it's going, I'm at the 8,000 word mark and I've just started elementary school. I don't think I'm going to have any problem getting to 50,000 words.

The wrestling and the struggling with the music

2007-11-04T07:11:00.001-08:00

Thomas's backside
Originally uploaded by marytsao

The four of us went to see the San Francisco Symphony yesterday, courtesy of Mike's mom, who got us tickets for a present. The concert was part of a Music for Families series and was titled "Wrestling with Love, Struggling with Demons: Two Russian Masterpieces." It featured Tchaikovsky's Romeo and Juliet, Fantasy-Overture and Rachmaninoff's Piano Concerto No. 2. James Gaffigan conducted, and Lise de la Salle was the pianist for the Rachmaninoff piece.

The concert was spectacular. Our seats were 5th row, center, and it was a treat to be that close to the musicians and to be able to see them as they worked their magic. Lise de la Salle was amazing, performing the entire 35-minute Rachmaninoff concerto from memory. She's young, too, not even twenty. An amazing talent--I was so impressed.

The good seats were crucial to holding the kids's interest. Admittedly, they didn't do quite as well at this show as they did at Disney on Ice. Tchaikovsky's piece is well-known because it was used as the music to many old Looney Tunes cartoons, but it's not quite as hyperactively mesmerizing as the pop music of High School Musical. During the Rachmaninoff concerto, Mike had to pacify a restless Thomas by pulling the metaphorical rabbit out of the hat and whipping out his mp3 player that also plays videos. The Simpsons to the rescue! I thought that was a pretty smooth move.

Even though my kids got a tad bit restless towards the end, they definitely weren't the worst behaved in the audience. In fact, the most obnoxious audience member, in my opinion, was the woman sitting directly behind us who felt it necessary to whisper very important things about who knows what to her children during the entire concert. And I almost couldn't believe my eyes and ears when her son started loudly eating Cheetos. Eating Cheetos! At the symphony! The kid was at least eight years old; he should have known better, even if his mom was clueless. Mike said the dad looked "checked out," had obviously realized he had made a horrible mistake marrying this woman, and was just hanging out, waiting for death to put him out of his domestic misery.

That Mike! What a jokester.

But hey, when you go to a family friendly concert, you have to put up with some families and all of the whining, whispering, fidgeting, and Cheeto eating that goes along with them. All I know is that I'm happy that my husband is still checked in and that he remembered his portable video player. Not to mention the fact that the music was wonderful. Going to see the San Francisco Symphony was very much a treat and a great way to spend a Saturday afternoon. Thanks, Jewel.

The embarrassment of Emily, Part I: The Preschool Years

2007-11-03T09:34:00.000-07:00

The more seasoned and experienced moms among us, those with children in the tween and teen categories, know that there eventually comes the day when our small children--the ones who now cover us in kisses and "I wuv you"s--will grow distant. No longer will they want our affection; no longer will they eagerly grab our hand during a walk. Instead they will begin the long and painful exercise of detaching themselves from us, one embarrassed moment at a time.

Yesterday I got my first taste of that bittersweet pull when Emily, after getting out of the car, slipped her small hand in mine and confronted me outside of her preschool classroom. "Mommy?" "Yes, sweetie?" I replied, my mind filled with thoughts about my Friday morning walk and whether or not we were late for circle time. I looked down at her sweet face and tiny, perfect body.

"Mommy, I don't want them to see your hair."

The night before I had showered and braided my hair when it was wet. In the morning I had let loose the braids and unveiled my temporary hair-do to Emily, who promptly declared it a hair-don't. I thought I looked a little bit like Jessica Lange in Tootsie, and for someone with hair as straight as mine, the effect was--in my opinion--rather charming, perhaps even a little sexy. Emily's wide eyes and hesitant giggling didn't convince me that I should pull a wet comb through my new 'do. Instead, I opted for my biggest sunglasses and told myself that I looked positively chic, in a retro kind of way.

But in front of her school, Emily told me the truth as she had never experienced it before. She was--in a word--embarrassed. Why was I choosing that moment, the one with her in it, to challenge the status quo? Emily is not a child of the 80s and so doesn't understand the condition known as the Oglivy Home Perm. It used to be perfectly normal for moms--kids, even!--to suddenly sport ringlets, waves, and curls so tight a hair pick couldn't get through them. I told her that mommies sometimes change their hair and that nobody would notice, even though I was a tad bit unsure of the truth in this statement. I rehearsed my story for the inquisitive: Oh, I braided my hair last night and this is what happened! Thank God the days of home perms are over, huh?!

Being too young to attend school unaccompanied, Emily was forced to swallow her embarrassment and let me walk her into the classroom. She certainly pulled away from me quickly, though, leaving me alone at the sign-in sheet wondering if I just had a tiny taste of what every day of my life will be like in a few short years. I think both of us were relieved when nobody noticed that I had transformed into Cher from the days when she was wishin' she could turn back time.

Later in the car I couldn't help but sneak a peek in my rear view mirror. Was my wavy hair really that horrendous? I still didn't think so. In fact, I thought it looked mighty cute and I knew I wouldn't be changing it for school pick-up, even though I also knew I would be causing my daughter yet another spasm of embarrassment. Hey, if I have to mentally prepare myself for the pain the tween years will bring, she can, too.

Of teddy bears and sour grapes

2007-11-02T08:10:00.000-07:00

Two years ago I took Emily to Teddy Bear Tea at the Ritz Carlton in San Francisco. It was a sweet afternoon of mother-daughter bonding, and I vowed to make it an annual tradition.

Last year I lamented the fact that I called too late to get reservations at the Ritz. We had our holiday tea at the Fairmont, which was nice but not as fun as the holiday tea extravaganza at the Ritz. I vowed that I would make reservations in November this year.

Apparently, November 1 is still too late to make reservations for Teddy Bear Tea at the Ritz Carlton in SF. I called yesterday and there are no available spots. I called the Ritz Carlton in Half Moon Bay, too. Booked. Solid.

Insert long string of child-unfriendly curses here!

I suppose this year we could go back to the Fairmont, or we could try the Palace Hotel or the King George Hotel, both in San Francisco. Or I could take her to a local tea room and present her with a teddy bear that I've bought and wrapped in a pretty box. I realize that an afternoon of mother-daughter bonding could take place at McDonald's, but I enjoy going to a fancy afternoon tea, too. I will now put on my thinking cap and come up with a splendid and creative alternative that blows doors on that stuffy, old Ritz Carlton and their faded chintz settees and real piano playing. Harumph! I'll take my tea with sour grapes, please.

The making of this particular tradition is going to be more difficult than I thought.

Head, heart, stomach, and feet

2007-11-01T14:29:00.001-07:00

French toast for breakfast
Originally uploaded by marytsao

It's the first day of November and the start of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo), and Post a Daily Photo of Your Shoes Month (NoBloShoeMo). Later this month we'll be celebrating what I imagine is every foodie's favorite holiday: Thanksgiving. Two days off work and the stuffing of one's face -- what could be better than that?

I'm definitely doing NaNoWriMo, and I just signed up for NaBloPoMo, but I'm going to pass on NoBloShoeMo; I just can't find the inspiration. But I'm already very inspired about Thanksgiving because this year I'm not hosting. Woo hoo! No working like a dog and slaving over a hot stove for this aspiring novelist. Oh, no. Instead, we're going to a friend's house and I'm bringing a manageable number of dishes with us, namely an appetizer, a side dish, and a dessert. Easy!

[I better make this post short and sweet since every blog post I write this month is a page or two of my novel that I'm not writing. Procrastination, thy name is mommyblogger.]

Oh, but here's the description I put on my Ning account for NaBloPoMo: Sober feminist housewife and mother. All praise group therapy! I'm thinking of making this my new tag line as soon as I get off my behind and get a new banner made. I realize that a woman holding a full glass of red wine is no longer representative of my sober self. For now let's just pretend it's cranberry juice in a pretty glass, m'kay?

Off to pound out the first two thousand words of this year's masterpiece. Happy first day of November to you. If you're starting NaNoWriMo, too, then good luck!

Happy Halloween!

2007-10-31T07:43:00.001-07:00

Happy Halloween!
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Halloween 2007 update: This was the first year that the kids went door-to-door pimping for candy and they did great! It's amazing how shyness disappears when the stranger is holding a bowl of candy. My mom and I took them to several homes in our neighborhood, then Mike drove them to our friend Erik's house, both to admire his Halloween decorations as well as to see his new baby and do some trick-or-treating in his 'hood. I stayed home with Grammie Martha and handed out candy. Mike decorated our house, too, and we had scary music and LED decorations. We handed out tootsie pops and blinky necklaces. The older kids liked the necklaces! All in all, a good Halloween here in the 'burbs.

I've learned there are three things you don't discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin.

--Linus Van Pelt
It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

Happy Halloween!

Halloween: Are we there yet?

2007-10-30T20:58:00.001-07:00

Halloween 2007
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Thanks for all of the votes to help me decide which photo(s) I should submit to Mamazine's Mama Focus photo contest! I haven't tallied them yet, but it looks like it will be close. Gee, winning that contest will be something nice to look forward to as I'm slaving away on my NaNoWriMo novel. NaNoWriMo (and the month of November) starts Thursday! Yikes!

In the meantime, there's still one day left to the week-long holiday known as Halloween. Thank goodness we're down to the last day. I'm already burned out on all of this pumpkin-carving and costume-wearing hullabaloo. Today we were happily getting ready to go to the Google Halloween party when it became known that Emily's costume had gone missing. We searched high and we searched low and we could not find that ridiculous yarn wig, pink nylon shorts, and damn fake backpack. Argh!

Lucky for me, Emily adapts to change easily and we decided instead to make her a mini-me, a child witch to match mama witch. A quick raid of the dress-up box yielded a witch hat and a fancy dress (worn by cousin Jessica in another lifetime. Thanks, Barb!) Add to that a string of pearls, some black boots, and a stuffed cat, and voila! A costume as good as any bought in a store.

You know, of course, we did find the Dora costume when we got home from our Halloween party. Somebody (*cough*Emily*cough*) had been playing with it and had stuffed it into a little-used cupboard. At least that certain somebody will get to wear it to school tomorrow for the big preschool Halloween parade. How cute will that be?

Happy Halloween!

Please help me get into focus

2007-10-29T18:59:00.000-07:00

Mamazine is hosting a Mama Focus Photo Contest, and I need your help!

First, you can enter the contest. Rules here. Get out your camera and get snap happy, mama. Here's what they're looking for:

"In our Mama Focus photo contest, we challenge you to get artsy, take a self-portrait, give your kids the camera and let them do a mama photo shoot. We don't care how you get the picture, as long as you (mama) are the focus (the photo's actual technical focus is optional). We hope to see photos that show us what modern motherhood can be like: the ugly and the beautiful. We are looking for pictures with a fresh, unique perspective or that capture a moment, convey a feeling, or tell a story. We want interesting and unexpected shots that give us a peek into real mamahood."

Second, I need you to help me decide which two of the following four pictures I should enter in the contest:

Option #1

Option #2

Option #3

Option #4

Leave your opinion in the comments. Or, if there's some other photo you like better from the 5,014 in my Flickr stream, leave the link. Thanks!

We're all in this together

2007-10-28T15:38:00.001-07:00

Grammie Martha and Thomas
Originally uploaded by marytsao

My mom and I took the kids to see Disney High School Musical: The Ice Tour today at the HP Pavilion in San Jose. Go Wildcats! The show was a lot of fun, high-energy and action-packed. It really held the kids's attention for the entire hour and forty five minutes (including intermission). Thomas did get a little antsy at the end and asked two times if the show was almost over, but he did it in a very polite way and didn't cry or fuss when he found out that he would have to keep seated for just a tad bit longer. I'm proud of his ability to sit through a musical extravaganza; he'll make a fine partner to some lucky person one day.

Emily told my mom that her favorite part of the show was the singing, while Thomas proclaimed his favorite part was the skating/dancing. My mom can't get over how wholesome the show is -- a real throwback to the days of Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney musicals: "Let's put on a show in the barn!" There certainly was nothing offensive about the event, except maybe the price of the tickets, and I'm glad we went.

I have a good feeling about Emily and Thomas's ability to withstand even more entertainment torture; I'm thinking about getting tickets to a local theater troupe's production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. It's supposed to be appropriate "for all ages." We'll see!

39-year-old body, preschooler mind

2007-10-27T20:11:00.001-07:00

Tie-dye preschool project
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Yesterday morning I helped at Emily's school; her teachers needed a parent to assist the kids while they tie-dyed T-shirts. I had the time of my life. I love hanging out in classrooms, watching teachers do what they do and observing how activities are organized. Plus it was so cool to see Emily in her preschool environment. She loves story time and sits in the front row, hanging on the teacher's every word--eventually actually hanging on the teacher--while she reads the story. Yesterday she made a few comments about things in the picture book that weren't necessarily part of the story, and her teacher would make it a point to reinforce her observations and point them out to the rest of the class. I hung out in the back, bursting with pride. It was a great morning.

Yesterday afternoon I had a short parent-teacher conference with Thomas's teacher. She remarked that he's a great kid to have at school, that his speech has improved dramatically since September, and that he's recently started making friends and showing empathy when other kids are feeling poorly. His "issues" are how he reacts to unpleasant situations (with tears and lots of them) and his inability to correlate misbehavior with punishment unless it's staring him in the face. For example, if you tell him he needs to sit down or he won't be able to pet the dog, but the dog is not in the room, he may or may not sit down. However, if the dog is in the room and you tell him to sit down, he'll most likely sit down. He's not yet three so both of his "issues" are understandable and will likely pass as he matures. Although that loud-and-vociferous crying habit has been a part of his personality since the moment he left the womb, so... we'll see. His teacher joked that he may have a career as an actor ahead of him.

Grammie Martha arrived yesterday evening and right after picking her up, we headed out to our first Halloween party of the season. Emily went as Dora the Explorer and Thomas went as James the Red Engine, part of the Thomas the Tank Engine gang. The party was at our local rec center and we managed to run into several of Thomas's preschool classmates and their families, although the party was unbelievably crowded and we didn't stay long.

I can't get over how cool it was to hang out at Emily's preschool yesterday. I love four-year-olds; they're so unpretentious and utterly lacking in self-consciousness. I want to be more like that. I want to scratch myself in front of people and wear pants that show my underwear and make my butt look funny. I want to sit "criss cross applesauce" and listen to stories as if my very life depended on it. I want to be like the little boy in Emily's class who grinned wildly at me and yelled, "my toenails are painted!"

Preschoolers are the coolest creatures on earth. I'm glad I get to live with two of them.

Pumpkin patch and pony ride

2007-10-25T22:24:00.001-07:00

Fieldtrip to Arata's Farm
Originally uploaded by marytsao

We're adjusting to being home after our whirlwind trip to New Mexico. Yesterday I went with Emily and her class to a pumpkin patch fieldtrip. We went to Arata's Farm in Half Moon Bay, the site of last year's fieldtrip from hell. This year the experience was 1000 times better. Being in charge of only one child (Thomas was in school and didn't come with us) was key, plus I knew where I was going and only got a little lost getting there instead of a lot.

Emily also had something of a minor breakthrough. Remember how she dislikes activities that are new to her? I spoke with her teacher about it and she suggested that I speak with Emily about the activity beforehand and explain what will be expected of her. I did that on the way to the pumpkin patch, telling Emily that there would be an opportunity to ride a pony there and asking her to remember when Thomas rode a pony at a friend's birthday party. I also told her that I went on a pony ride when I was little and it was a little scary but also a lot of fun. I don't know if the pep-slash-prep talk worked, but when it came time to ride the pony, Emily was the first one in line. I was completely shocked and so proud!

Today was a mellow day and the three of us hung around home, alternating between cleaning and relaxing. Tomorrow I'm helping Emily's class with a tie-dye project, then I've got a parent-teacher meeting for Thomas, and tomorrow night we pick up Grammie Martha from the airport. We'll be pretty busy in the days leading up to Halloween. We've got a party tomorrow night and another one on Tuesday. On Sunday my mom and I are taking the kids to see Disney on Ice High School Musical II. Par-tay! It was nice to have this day to chill at home.

Happy Friday.

Party, New Mexico family-style

2007-10-23T12:01:00.001-07:00

New Mexico vacation
Originally uploaded by marytsao

We're back from our mini vacation and we had a great time. Man, did I eat! But let me start at the beginning...

We flew out Thursday morning super early, leaving here at 5:30 AM. I drove the kids to the Oakland Airport and parked the car in long term parking since we were getting back on Monday when Mike was at work and would be unable to pick us up. [Here's the coolest thing about that experience: I went for the cheapest lot and they gave me a voucher to park in a closer lot and get the cheaper lot price. This is the kind of thing that I need to document in order to remain a Tsao.]

Everything was smooth sailing with the parking and getting through airport security. The kids and I are professionals at this; we travel a lot. When we got to Albuquerque, we met my aunt Davida and niece Jessica, who flew in from Chicago. Then it was off to the rental car place to pick up our gigantic minivan. I even rented car seats for the kids. Many times when traveling with children, problems *can* be solved by throwing money at them. Try it. It works.

Once we got our car, we were on the road north to Santa Fe, where we stopped for lunch at Dave's Not Here. I had chile rellenos made with New Mexico chiles. The best! After lunch we hit Whole Foods to stock up on goodies for dinner. My cousin lives in a remote, rural area and there are no corner stores.

My cousin Rachel and her daughters Julianna and Louise were anxious to see us so we didn't linger in Santa Fe and soon were on the road north. We passed through Pojoaque, then Nambe, then Chimayo, then Truchas, finally getting to the dirt road that would lead us into the valley of Ojo Sarco, where my cousin grew up and still lives.

After we arrived, there were hugs and kisses all around and the kids had a good time getting to know each other. My cousin had worked really hard getting her house ready for our visit, and everything was nice and shiny. After her boyfriend Matt came home we had dinner and hung out, visiting with some friends (Leanna, her boyfriend, and her baby D) who stopped by.

The next day was Friday and we all piled in the van to go back into Santa Fe. We had lots of shopping to do to get ready for my aunt Paula's party the next day. She passed away five years ago, and the party was a celebration of her life and an opportunity to place her headstone on her grave and to see old friends. In Santa Fe we went to lunch, the party store, Trader Joe's, and the grocery store. While Rachel and Davida were at the grocery store, I took the kids to a park. It was too difficult to navigate busy, crowded Santa Fe parking lots and stores with a group of eight people.

After shopping for our perishables, we had to get back on the road to Ojo Sarco. About an hour later we were home. We ate a quick dinner, then Davida and I took the kids to Louise's basketball practice, leaving Rachel home alone to start preparing the food for the party. While she made pumpkin pies from scratch (yes, that means from actual pumpkins), we watched my 5'4", fifth grade cousin practice with the rest of her team. That was fun. The kids had a good time watching the coaching and sweating from the bleachers.

Saturday was a busy day filled with cleaning, cooking, balloon filling, and finally, partying. Everybody gathered at the Ojo Sarco cemetery to remember my aunt. My uncle David spoke, starting out with, "Five years ago today I lost my best friend..." My aunt Paula was a wonderful woman who touched many lives. The last time I visited New Mexico she was alive. It felt rather odd to be there and to have only memories of her.

After the cemetery, we all piled into Rachel's cozy house to feast on turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, yams, red chile with pork, posole, salad, black beans, pinto beans, bread and jam, and a whole table of desserts including homemade lemon cheesecake, brownies, pumpkin pie, and tiramisu. A feast in a Thanksgiving style, which was fitting because my aunt Paula was the queen of Thanksgiving. She even raised and butchered her own turkeys. As one guest said on Saturday, "Thanksgiving died with Paula." We did our best to bring it back with her spirit gracing the party in our thoughts, words, and actions. It was a wonderful way to remember her.

On Sunday the kids and I took a side trip to Los Alamos, to visit Krisco of Crib Ceiling and her family. What a treat! It was nice to have my rental car and to be able to break away from the family for half a day. The kids played dress up while we chatted, and our visit was over way too soon. We had to leave to get back to Sarco, and it was a good thing we left when we did because we got caught in a snow storm on the way home. Crazy, typical New Mexico weather. On Saturday it was 70 degrees and sunny. On Sunday it was 35 degrees and snowing.

We couldn't do much on Sunday night because of the weather, although we did manage to celebrate my cousin Ben's girlfriend Melissa's birthday with a cake that Davida baked. Our family believes in two things: celebrations and desserts. No snow storm can stop us!

Monday morning we had to leave Ojo Sarco by 8:00 AM in order to make it to Albuquerque for our afternoon flights. Even with the snow on the ground, the sun was out and we had no problem getting out of the valley and onto the highway. Northern New Mexico was particularly beautiful with a light powdering of snow on the mountains and on the trees. It was a fine way to end our special, whirlwind vacation.

I'm so happy I got to take my kids to this place that I've been visiting since I was five years old. I hope to take them back some day and to spend some time exploring more of the area. I'm also happy that they could meet that branch of my family and play with their cousins. Today we're back here in San Mateo, doing our thing, but we are all thinking about our latest adventure and, yes, looking forward to the next one.

As always, pictures on Flickr.

From people pleaser to people alienator

2007-10-16T15:39:00.000-07:00

I'm tired so this post is going to be short and to the point.

I think most readers of this blog understand that what I post here is a partially inaccurate portrayal of my life, but for history's sake, I feel I need to set the record straight. Yes, there's lots of good times and happy moments, but there are just as many difficult times, harsh words, aggravating moments, and events that I can't write about because to do so would violate other people's privacy or just make me look like a raving bitch.

And let's be honest; it's rarely one's intent to write a blog that reveals the dark side of her personality. I don't want to be remembered as a bitch, but sometimes I am one, and sometimes I am a less-than-perfect mom. For example, I rarely write about instances like the one I put my kids through today when I--sick and tired of their crying and whining--slammed on the brakes so hard their chicken McNuggets flew out of their hands and onto the floor. Oh, and then when I threw their Chicken McNuggets back at them, I screamed, "Here's your fucking Chicken McNuggets!" Definitely not one of my finer moments. Not to mention the fact that it was the second day in a row the kids have eaten McDonald's for lunch.

So please don't read this blog and feel inferior about your own life, your parenting skills, your housekeeping skills, your wardrobe, or your future. (I threw the last one in for comedic relief.) There's as much to my life that goes unwritten that gets carefully edited and put out on the Internets.

Also, I had to fire my part-time nanny today so if you were envious of the fact I had one, you can be envious no more. After telling me the reason she didn't make it to my house by 12:15 PM was because she had taken a sleeping pill and overslept, and after realizing I was going to have to take two kids to a parent-teacher conference, I thanked her for the two years she had taken care of my kids and told her I'd send her a check in the mail. Of course, this isn't the first time she's been late, called in sick, or completely flaked on me. But this is the first time I decided that I can't put up with it any longer. Apparently my months of therapy are paying off and I'm developing a backbone. Huh. Feels both really good and really horrible.

Tomorrow the kids and I leave for the Land of Enchantment, New Mexico, to visit my cousin and her family. We'll be in a little valley just off the high road to Taos and she has no computer. How novel is that? So until next week, you can find me here:

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Happy Person of Difficulty Day

2007-10-16T08:31:00.000-07:00

Today is Boss's Day here in the U.S., "a day for employees to thank their superior for being kind and fair throughout the year."

I've had my share of bosses in the fifteen or so years I worked in the corporate world. I sometimes felt like celebrating them, and I usually understood when they were being "difficult." For many years, one of my most valued skills in the workplace was my ability to deal with difficult people. It's a good skill to have although over time it eats your soul and you find yourself unable to talk about your work without spending at least thirty minutes bitching about your horrible boss.

I'm sorry if I've just described you.

I'm glad I have this opportunity as a stay-at-home mom to enjoy life without the daily annoyance of a person of difficulty. My new bosses--although often deserving of a time out--are quite likable and pretty darn cute, too.

Boss #1

Boss #2

This feminist housewife's story

2007-10-15T16:26:00.001-07:00

The afternoon shadow of a mother
Originally uploaded by marytsao

This morning I had the pleasure of being interviewed and photographed by two young women, graduate school students in the Social Documentation Graduate Program at UCSC. It was a fun experience because of all the things I most enjoy doing, talking about myself ranks pretty high.

I answered questions pertaining to feminism, being a housewife and a stay-at-home mom, and blogging as activism. I broke down when they had me read some of my old blog posts, namely this one about my and Mike's courtship and this one written when I was thinking about quitting my job to stay home with Emily. And I remembered the angst I felt back in 2004 when I read my post worries of a feminist housewife:

i was ok with knowing that i am a surrendered feminist - a closet traditionalist - when i thought i was hurting nobody but myself. but then i read 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships : What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It by david niven and found out that one of the secrets is "share the housework." uh oh. and then i read Strong, Smart, and Bold: Empowering Girls for Life by carla fine and in the appendix "101 ways to empower a girl and improve her world," way #3 is "make sure that household chores...are shared equally by girls, boys, men, and women in your home." eek. these books are telling me that my happiness with housework eventually will cause the ruin of my family and the emotional frailty of my daughter. ahhhh!!!

why i read books that cause me to question my life i do not know. all i know is that i am a feminist because i believe in equality of the sexes. and even though i currently am a stay at home mom who takes care of the kid while my husband works outside the home and is the sole contributor to the household income, i consider myself a positive role model for my daughter. i'm teaching her to be strong, to be interesting, to be independent, and to believe in herself. even if she does see me doing a lot of changing diapers, shopping for groceries, and vacuuming.

So what role does feminism now play in my life, three years later? Have I buckled under the weight of a thousand loads of laundry and now think that men have it better than women? Have I surrendered to a conformist identity and lost my unique sense of self? At one point I worried about my own feminist image and whether or not I was in a position to raise children who would grow up to understand that a woman could be anything she wanted to be, even if what she wanted to be was a (gasp!) mom. If my children never see me leave for work in the morning, will they still know that women have the capacity to rule the boardroom and the world?

Here's the thing: my current, self-described feminist belief structure now has more to do with happiness than with who folds the laundry. And I don't mean brain-dead, glassy-eyed, wake-me-up-when-it's-over happiness. I mean the kind of happiness that comes from a hard job done well. I am happy being this housewife that I am. My kids know me as a happy mom, one who wakes up with a smile on her face. In the long term, I hope they know me as a woman content with the decisions she's made in her life, but also one who strives for a better world, both inside our home as well as outside of it.

Whew. Anyway, the interview process was fun and I think it's interesting that blogging and its social ramifications are being studied in universities. I had another student email me recently to tell me that my blog would be discussed in a Women's Studies class. I find all of this attention highly flattering. Too bad it doesn't mean that I don't have to now go slave over the November issue of my mothers club newsletter.

What a feeling(s)

2007-10-14T19:54:00.000-07:00

I'm having a rather intense internal (and now, external!) debate about whether or not I want to continue to take four-year-old Emily to activity-based birthday parties.

Here's the deal. Emily is great at house parties. She loves to run around and play with kids she either knows or has just met. She loves unstructured environments where there's no focus on her and no planned activities she is required to partake in.

But a lot of the parties we've been going to lately are activity-based. What I mean is that they're at a gym or a pool or a tae kwon do studio. The expectation is that the kids will all participate in structured play or the equivalent of a class, e.g., a gym class or a tae kwon do class. Emily does not do this kind of stuff.

When we go to activity-based parties, she's great at the beginning, refuses to participate in the class (preferring to sit on the sidelines looking horrified or to hug my knee while I talk with the mommies), then lights up again when the class is over and the pizza and cake are served.

My dilemma is that I'm not sure if I want to go to a party just to watch my child be miserable. I am going to start refusing these types of party invitations, at least for the time being. Frankly, I just don't see the benefit. I'll miss the company of my mom friends, but oh well. Emily's shyness and hesitancy in unfamiliar, physical learning environments means that what should be a fun event usually ends up being a torturous one, for both her and me.

Hmm. This is more of a declaration rather than a debate.

I don't suppose it will surprise anybody to know that I dreaded birthday parties as a child. Just like Emily, I disliked the activities that called on me to demonstrate my prowess, although in my day the activities were mainly party games like pin the tail on the donkey and musical chairs. Blech.

---

In preparation for my mom's visit at the end of the month, I ruthlessly cleaned out my office/spare bedroom, including the closets. AND! I even loaded up the car and dropped everything off at Goodwill. Goodbye extra throw blankets that we never used. Goodbye giant nylon leaf from IKEA. Goodbye motocross boots that I haven't worn in over five years. (Man, those things were bad ass.) Goodbye assorted items from craft projects gone by. Goodbye unopened picnic backpack thingy that I kept meaning to re-gift but never did. Goodbye wicker chair that a well-meaning neighbor gave us for Emily but that just ended up floating from room to room being ignored no matter where we put it. (I hope he wasn't looking out the window when I shoved it in the car.) Goodbye one dozen square mirrors from IKEA that made it from the store to the car to the closet, never to be seen again...

And cue Irene Cara:

What a feeling, bein's believin'
I can't have it all, now I'm dancin' for my life
Take your passion, and make it happen
Pictures come alive, you can dance right through your life

Yes, that's how good I feel. I can't have it all is right! I highly recommend a closet purge to anybody who is looking to feel good about themselves.

Perhaps if the birthday parties I went to as a kid had featured games involving organizing and cleaning, I might have enjoyed them.

Happy Monday.

The revolt of all captive balloons

2007-10-12T21:11:00.001-07:00

24th and York Street Mini Park
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Yesterday I took the kids on a fun San Francisco fieldtrip. First we hit Clement Street and had lunch at a little dim sum place on 6th Ave. and Clement, Wing Lee Bakery. The food is cheap and yummy. For $4.60 we got three steamed pork buns, two pot stickers, and three har gao (shrimp dumplings).

After lunch we checked out Green Apple Books and splurged on some new titles. Emily picked out a Power Puff Girls book and Thomas picked out a Where's Waldo book. I got Eric Clapton's new autobiography. I also bought A. Lamorisse's The Red Balloon, a children's book. The book is based on a movie I remember seeing when I was little. The title of this post is a quote from the book. Here's another quote I like: "People with dogs walk. People with packages take taxis. People with balloons leave them behind."

Now that's profound.

After our book buying spree we had ice cream (kids) and a peach smoothie (me) at Toy Boat Dessert Cafe. This place features San Francisco's own Double Rainbow Ice Cream and lots of kitschy toys. The kids didn't want to leave, but our parking meter (.25 cents for 10 minutes with a 60 minute limit -- I want to remember this for when I refer to these as "the good 'ol days.") was about to expire.

Saying good-bye to the Inner Richmond, we got back on 19th Ave. (Park Presidio in this part of The City) and made our way north to the Marina and the Exploratorium. The kids ran around the Exploratorium for a couple of hours while I desperately tried to take a photo worth posting on the Internet. The kids are a little young to really understand many of the Exploratorium's exhibits and their attention spans are definitely too short for much interactive play. They basically run from display to display and twist knobs and touch things. I know they're absorbing tons of information and that being there is a good thing, but it does get a little weary chasing two preschoolers around a crowded place, especially when they're running in different directions. After ninety minutes I was ready to go. On our way out we hit the gift shop to get a present for Emily's friend who is turning four this weekend.

We still had some time before we had to be home for dinner so we swung by the Mission and a playground on 24th and York Streets that I've been meaning to visit. It's a mini park that features lots of great murals and a Quetzalcoatl mosaic snake sculpture. The kids had a good time running around with another little girl about Thomas's age. She was cute.

The 24th and York Street Mini Park is just down the street from El Farolito so of course I had to pick up burritos and quesadillas for dinner. Another inexpensive meal -- I think I spent $12 for a steak burrito, a chicken burrito, and a cheese quesadilla. The cheapness of our eats helped offset the cost of the Exploratorium (about $23. plus an astonishing $6.78 for two bottled juices at the snack bar.)

All in all, a fine day in a beautiful city. I love visiting San Francisco. Having lived there the longest of any city I've ever lived in, I will always consider it home. I'm glad we live close enough to go there regularly.

Pictures of our latest adventure are up on Flickr.

Me three

2007-10-11T08:59:00.000-07:00

Thomas's language skills are progressing at an amazing rate. Preschool, which he has loved since the first day I dropped him off, has been good for him. Check out this exchange and marvel at his advanced comprehension and skills:

Me: I love butternut squash!

Emily: Me, too!

Thomas: Me, three!

Even Emily didn't understand this joke. She tried to explain to Thomas that he wasn't three, that he was only two.

---

In honor of the number three, here are three websites that I have discovered lately and that I really like:

Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project
When I find myself focusing over-much on the anticipated happiness of arriving at a certain goal, I remind myself of one of my Twelve Commandments: “Enjoy the process.”

Curt Rosengren's The M.A.P. Maker [Meaning, Abundance, & Passion]
Life isn't a static phenomenon. It's dynamic, ever-moving, and ever-shifting. So while the idea of achieving a static state of "work/life balance" is appealing to the part of us that desires the comfort of certainty, it doesn't have much to do with the real world.

Michael's Silly Waiter
There is always some reason we do the work we do, it just might not be the reason you had in mind.

---

Also in honor of the number three, three items of gratitude:

Mickey Mouse still has the power to thrill young children. Thank you, Mickey Mouse. My kids love you!

Clean sheet make me happy. My sheets are in the washer right now. That means tonight I will sleep on clean sheets. Heaven.

Siblings who share make my life sweet. My kids are pretty good at this. I wish I knew the secret because I'd share it with the world.

Have a boob-e-full day

2007-10-10T09:29:00.001-07:00

Breastfeeding Thomas 12/07/2004
Originally uploaded by marytsao

The League of Maternal Justice has declared this the day of The Great Breast Fest.

Fest the Breast!

Because people like Bill Maher would have us hide...

Because Facebook thinks that pictures of nursing boobs are dirty...

Because waitstaff at Applebees and YMCA attendants still tell nursing mothers to cover up or nurse in the toilet...

Because it's illegal to ask a nursing mother to stop nursing or conceal her nursing, and yet people still do it...

Because we live in a society where nobody bats an eye at see-through tops and pasties on pop stars, but in which nursing breasts are considered by some to be indecent...

I breastfed both of my kids and I'll do it again, God willing. To weep tears of joy over the magnitude of the feat of breastfeeding, check out the Great Breast Fest Montage:

Power to the boob.

Teacher or tyrant?

2007-10-09T20:12:00.000-07:00

Today Emily was playing with her dolls in a way that sounded very teacher-like. Even though I've sworn never to ask my kids the "What are you going to be when you grow up?" question--which I hated with a passion when I was a kid--I found that I couldn't help myself.

Me: Emily, are you going to be a teacher when you grow up?

Emily: No.

Emily: I'm going to be a tyrant.

Touché, Emily, touché.

Mistress of the Besciamella

2007-10-08T20:24:00.001-07:00

Columbus Day dinner
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Happy Columbus Day! In honor of that auspicious Italian who landed on our shores in 1492, I made two recipes out of Silver Spoon, Italy's classic cookbook. Mike got me this book for my birthday two years ago and today was the first day I felt brave enough to cook something from it.

After slaving over a hot stove and oven for two hours, whisking Béchamel sauce while simultaneously mincing a chicken breast I had just sauteed in butter and olive oil, I remembered why I was once very afraid of this book. Cooking is work!

Nevertheless, I pulled it all off, including the Béchamel (Besciamella) sauce, and produced two very delicious dishes: Curried Chicken Puffs (Sfogliatine al Pollo e Curry) and Rigatoni with Meatballs (Rigatoni con Polpettine). Mike liked the curried chicken puffs the best. Next time I make them I'll serve them with baked salmon and a salad of butter leaf lettuce, tomato, and cucumber. Yum.

Here's the recipe. Buon appetito!

Curried Chicken Puffs (Sfogliatine al Pollo e Curry)

* 9 ounces puff pastry dough, thawed if frozen

* all-purpose flour, for dusting

* 7 ounces cooked chicken meat, coarsely chopped

* curry powder, to taste

* 1 cup Béchamel Sauce (here's a recipe)

* 2 egg yolks, lightly beaten

* salt and pepper

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Roll out the dough on a lightly floured surface and stamp out 12 rounds with a cookie cutter or a glass. Place on a cookie sheet and bake for 15-20 minutes until puffed up and golden. Transfer to a wire rack to cool. Place the chicken meat in a processor and process until very finely chopped. Transfer to a bowl and season to taste with curry powder. Stir in the béchamel sauce and egg yolks and season with salt and pepper to taste. When ready to serve, sandwich the chicken mixture between pairs of pastry rounds. Place on a cookie sheet and heat through in a preheated oven, 350 degrees F. for ten minutes.

Things I did this weekend

2007-10-07T21:13:00.001-07:00

Apple pie, apples, and the Sunday paper
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Ate pancakes. Also fresh fruit and whipped cream.

Read the Sunday San Francisco Chronicle.

Finished that article for the nice company that pays me real money.

Read a lot of Eat, Pray, Love.

Watched the Oprah episode featuring Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love

Baked an apple pie using the apples from our tree.

Blew bubbles.

Ate lunch at Chevy's.

Made a "from scratch" dinner that took longer than fifteen minutes to prepare: Baked Wild Alaskan Salmon, Rice Pilaf, Green Beans, Creamy Brussels Sprouts, and the Apple Pie mentioned above.

Got the kids their first pet(s): two hermit crabs they named Thomas and Emily.

Noticeably absent from this list are the items from my To Do list having to do with cleaning closets. Alas, I did not get around to doing any chores of a cleaning or organizing nature. Perhaps the mood will strike me tomorrow? One can only hope.

Except that tomorrow is Columbus Day and in honor of that adventurous Italian, I am going to be adventurous myself and make two items out of my Silver Spoon cookbook: Curried Chicken Puffs (Sfogliatine al Pollo e Curry) and Rigatoni with Meatballs (Rigatoni con Polpettine).

The Italy portion of Gilbert's book has clearly gotten to me. If you've read it, you know what I mean.

Things I want to do this weekend

2007-10-06T08:57:00.001-07:00

Emily in the jump house
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Eat pancakes. Also fresh fruit and whipped cream.

Read the Sunday San Francisco Chronicle.

Finish that article for the nice company that pays me real money.

Organize the kids's clothes and bag up the stuff they've outgrown. Figure out if they need anything for our upcoming trip to New Mexico.

Stand naked in my closet and try on clothes that I don't think fit me anymore. If I'm right, bag them up or consider alterations. Figure out if I need anything new for New Mexico.

Make a Goodwill run with the stuff that's accumulating in my office and the bagged items from items #4 and #5.

Finish reading Eat, Pray, Love.

Bake an apple pie using the apples from our tree.

Read the Sunday New York Times.

Make a "from scratch" dinner that takes longer than fifteen minutes to prepare.

Go to Decompression 2007.

That's it. Not too bad. In fact, pretty good. And quite do-able as long as item #1 doesn't first put me in a sugar-induced coma.

Ruminations of the haiku variety

2007-10-05T13:31:00.001-07:00

Here is my Haiku Friday offering.

Fall is in the air
Another Crystal Springs hike
This time with a friend

Why do flats hurt me?
No height means they should feel good
But toes hurt, heels bleed

Stores are filled with cords
Am I dreaming or do cords
Make my thighs look big

My essay is up
Don't cry for me, Blogosphere
I've been a bitch, too

May your weekend be filled with many-syllabic adventures, like those of the supercalifragilisticexpialidocious variety.

Gratitude on a sunny Thursday in October

2007-10-04T10:11:00.001-07:00

Thomas in the morning
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Deborah Norville has a new book out titled Thank You Power: Making the SCIENCE of Gratitude Work for YOU. In her book she writes about something she calls Thank You Power. She explains Thank You Power to Jeneen Interlandi in a recent MSNBC interview:

"How does Thank You Power work? What are the essential steps?

It’s magically simple. Thank You Power can be ignited by the regular practice of finding something in your day that was meaningful and beneficial to you. Maybe it was an e-mail from a long-lost friend, or the magic of all the traffic lights going green when you were late getting to work. They’re not necessarily headline-making events. In fact, experts in this field say it’s usually the more banal moments that, on reflection, are the most meaningful in our lives. I actually have a Thank You list—pretty much everyday I jot down three or four things that I am grateful for in a little fabric covered notebook. Focusing on these moments is an incredibly effective way to put yourself in "positive affect," which is the scientific term for feeling good—seeing the glass as half full instead of half empty."

I'm grateful for:

Strong arms, strong legs, strong lungs, and the strong determination I have to get on that damn elliptical every day.

Picnic lunches, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and kids who are "good eaters."

Sunny October days, a house with lots of windows, and the time to take my kids on an all-day fieldtrip to a pumpkin patch.

I'm also grateful to Deborah Norville for reminding me about Thank You Power. Thanks, Deborah!

Happy birthday to my old, younger man

2007-10-03T21:37:00.001-07:00

Mike turns 38
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Hey, it's my old man's birthday. In the tradition started by somebody in my family a long time ago, I baked him the best cake of all time: yellow. Last year I made him a chocolate cake, but this year I went back to the ol' tried and true. There's nothing like a yellow cake with chocolate frosting. Yellow is the flavor of love.

In this picture Mike's showing us how cute curmudgeonly can be.

Yesterday, when discussing Mike's upcoming birthday, Emily asked, "Is he sixty four or sixty five?" "Neither," I replied, "he's going to be thirty eight."

Today, when inspecting the candles I bought for the birthday cake, Emily asked, "Which one is he mommy, the three or the eight?" "Both," I replied, "he's thirty eight."

Happy 38th birthday to a great dad and husband.

Death of a playgroup

2007-10-03T14:33:00.000-07:00

My playgroup is dying.

I've been through this before: moms get busy with a new baby, kids start school, moms return to work, people move, schedules change, priorities shift. The weekly meeting time that used to work for a group of people no longer works for the group; eventually it works for no one. The playgroup dies. Sometimes new recruits will keep the playgroup afloat with their shared priorities and schedules; the playgroup will live on as an entity separate from that which the original members created. A playgroup can be greater than the sum of its parts.

I've been in three different playgroups during my tenure as a mommy. I joined the first one a month after quitting my job to stay home with Emily. I met a woman in my strollerobics class who was nice and seemed "like me." Our daughters were roughly the same age, about six months old. She invited me to come hang out with her and some other moms in a playgroup she had started. I agreed.

My first playgroup experience was wonderful. There were a large group of us moms--sometimes as many as a dozen--and we would take turns hosting playgroup in our homes. A living room would become a sea of babies on blankets, some squirming, some sleeping, some crying. There was usually tea and baked goods for the moms and plenty of adult companionship and conversation. Playgroup was a lot of fun and the friendship of those moms was crucial to my happiness at that point in time. While it can be argued that playgroups are designed for the purpose of child socialization, I've always appreciated them for my own socialization and the opportunity they bring for adult interaction.

Alas, time rarely stands still, even for the good, and as time went on the group changed and got smaller. Some moms went back to work, some moved, some found that our meeting time no longer worked for them. I dropped out because I was pregnant with Thomas and we had just purchased a new home. When I wasn't napping, I was spending my time shopping for furniture, painting, and decorating. Plus, Emily was walking when some of her younger friends weren't even crawling. Going to playgroup was exhausting for me, especially because of my pregnancy. Making sure Emily wasn't touching things in homes that hadn't yet been baby-proofed was difficult.

I remained playgroup free for several months. I still got together with other moms and kids, but not in any organized fashion and mostly in parks. Having a bigger home meant we had many more house guests and I was also busy during that time playing hostess to various family members. I didn't miss playgroup, and as my pregnancy progressed all I ever really wanted to do was eat cereal and nap.

Shortly after Thomas's birth, I felt again driven by the desire to be in a playgroup, to interact with other adults. I re-joined my original playgroup, which now had several new members and met regularly on Fridays. It was good to be back among friends. I also joined a new playgroup, my second playgroup, which was comprised mainly of moms with two kids. For several months my two weekly playgroup meetings were the highlights of my life.

But priorities once again shifted and when we retained Rosa the nanny on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I had no problem giving up one of my playgroups; what I needed most at that time was solitude. But when my Friday playgroup stopped meeting because of schedule incompatibilities (It's difficult to find a time to meet when you start factoring in preschool schedules), I joined another playgroup.

I've been in this playgroup, my third, for about a year, and I've watched its membership change several times. I came into this playgroup as a new member to an existing group, but as time has gone by, I am now one of the old guard. Unfortunately, I'm not inclined to find new members to fill the spaces of those who have gone; unless something drastic happens this playgroup I am in will soon be a thing of the past.

The death of my current playgroup doesn't sadden me. I realize that its dying is also indicative of the birth of new lives for most of its members. One mom is moving her family to an area with better schools and where she can get a bigger home for her money. Several moms are busy with the priorities of their older children, who now spend more time in karate and dance class than at the park. Another mom is returning to the workforce and no longer has the time to meet in the middle of the day.

I'm still making the time to go to playgroup, although many weeks find me sitting on the park bench alone. I suspect that as the weather gets colder, the remaining members will agree that getting together is too difficult. There might be talk of reviving the group come springtime, but that's likely not to happen. A more likely scenario is a monthly get-together of just the moms, a regular "moms night out" event when we can talk uninterrupted by crying or whining, use swear words for effect, and eat food that hadn't just been rejected by a child. Paradise outside of the playground!

This playgroup I am in will be my last, whether it lives on without me or not, whether I have another child or not. Farewell, sweet playgroup! And farewell to this time of my life, to the time of having only one baby, to the time of having two babies, to the time of having toddlers. Now that my children are preschoolers, they can make their own playdates. My interaction in their socialization is no longer needed, and my own socialization can occur without the common bond of children.

And in the immortal words of Dr. Seuss: “Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.”

Mothers are the dung beetles of the world

2007-10-02T20:00:00.000-07:00

I was having a great conversation with a friend the other day, one of those conversations filled with agreement, vigorous shaking of the head, and lots of "Yes!" and "That's right!" shouted in glee. During our conversation she mentioned that being a mom was a lot like being a dung beetle and all I could say was, "Yes! That's right!"

All I know about dung beetles is what I remember from a documentary I once saw. Dung beetles spend inordinate amounts of time rolling poo into balls, giant balls as big as they are. They roll as if their lives depend upon it, which they do. They are dung beetles.

The comparison of a dung beetle to a mother is in the similarity of the workload. The mother of our species has a never ending yet monotonous list of chores to do over and over again on a daily basis: the picking up of the toys, the feeding of the baby (kids are always hungry!), the making of the meals, the washing of the dishes, the wiping of the butts, the cleaning of the clothes, the picking up of the toys, the picking up of the toys, the picking up of the toys... You get the picture.

Jeepers, grim lives we mothers lead. But I'm not here to moan and groan about my chore list. Oh no. I'm here to let the world know that I'm on strike. Yes! I can't be a dung beetle when I've got a new book to read. My grandmother always said, "the dusting can wait." Not that I ever dust, but I get her point. She was an avid reader and obviously knew what she was talking about.

So when I'm done with Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love I will return to my regularly scheduled programming of picking up toys and cooking dinner. In the meantime, my new motto is, "Let them eat Taxi's."

Reliving the pain of childhood one essay at a time

2007-10-01T16:14:00.000-07:00

[Updated: My essay will be posted this Wednesday (October 3) at Can I Sit With You. How exciting!]

Some friends of mine have started a new blog about the "stormy social seas of the schoolyard."

The goal of Can I Sit With You is to share our schoolyard horror stories not only amongst ourselves, but also with the children who are experiencing this special form of social purgatory right now. We want them to know that even though what they're going through sucks, they're not alone.

These enterprising moms are looking for essays about all of those twisted memories that we'd rather just forget. They're going to compile the essays into a book, with the proceeds funding a Special Education PTA, SEPTAR.

I just submitted an essay I titled "Best Friends." Without knowing any more, can't you just feel my pain? I'll put up a link to it if they decide it's worth posting, the adult equivalent of letting me sit next to them.

Check out Can I Sit With You, and send them your own essay. All of the uncool kids are doing it, which is another way of saying everybody.

Don't stop the rock

2007-09-30T22:05:00.001-07:00

Who benefits from your self-loathing?
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Life's been busy and fun lately. What have I been up to? Let's see...

On Thursday the kids and I went into San Francisco to check out the cars at the Art Car Festival. We saw a lot of wonderful cars. My favorite was the VainVan by artist Emily Duffy. You may know her art BraBall, an 1800 lb. ball of bras, part of the American Visionary Art Museum's permanent collection. After checking out a bunch of cars cooler than our own, we had lunch on Chestnut Street. Pictures on Flickr.

On Friday I went for a five mile hike along Crystal Springs (Sawyer Camp Trail) after dropping the kids off at school. It was awesome! The day was overcast and a light drizzle started during my last mile -- a perfect day for a hike. I want to make this a weekly thing. I wonder if I can persuade anybody else to join me for a weekly five-mile power walk. Anyone? Bueller?

Friday night I took Mike to see The Chemical Brothers for his birthday. It was one of the loudest and most spectacular shows I've ever seen; The Chemical Brothers rocked the house. And of course I rocked for figuring out what to get Mike for his birthday.

Saturday morning found me and the kids hot-footing it to Borders to get a last-minute gift for a four-year-old friend before jetting to her birthday party at a local park. Borders is my favorite place for last-minute gifts for kids. They've got books galore, movies, wooden toys, cards, and gift bags. I can get in, get out, wrap and sign in the car, and be on the road to the birthday party in less than fifteen minutes. Hello, mad mom skillz.

After enjoying the company of the birthday girl, her parents, and some other friends, I switched roles with Mike (he took the kids in the family car and I left alone in his car) and scooted to San Jose to meet with the women of the Silicon Valley Moms Blog and with Elizabeth Edwards, wife of presidential hopeful John Edwards. Elizabeth is a wonderful, kind and gracious person who is knowledgeable about so many issues and also eloquent. It was a pleasure and an honor to get to spend time with her again. Thank you to Jill of SV Moms Blog for the invite! Sarah Granger did a great job liveblogging our talk.

Today was a quiet day and so I did my quarterly deep cleaning of both bathrooms. There's really nothing like the feeling that a clean bathroom can give you. Anything is possible when you've got a clean bathroom.

And tomorrow starts a new month. Can you believe it?

Bring on the free spirits

2007-09-30T09:28:00.000-07:00

In case you need a chuckle on this fine Sunday morning, here's the video clip of the KTVO Channel News story about Matt Harding dancing in San Francisco. Look for the blond lady being interviewed -- that's me! In the dancing scenes, you can spot Emily in front (stage left). Thomas and I are behind her.

Apparently, I think the world needs more free spirits. Who knew?

PDD (Public Display of Dancing) with Matt Harding

2007-09-26T23:53:00.001-07:00

Matt Harding in San Francisco
Originally uploaded by marytsao

I got my fifteen seconds of fame today when the kids and I went into San Francisco to dance with internet celebrity Matt Harding for his new video coming out next June. I read in the paper this morning that he would be dancing this evening in Alamo Square Park and I couldn't resist the opportunity to experience it with the kids.

After we danced and took part in the making of the video, the crowd hung out with Matt for pictures and conversation. He's a genuinely nice guy. My fellow dancers were all great and enthusiastic, too. It's nice to be a part of something that's upbeat and positive; hey, wouldn't the world be a better place if we all just stopped to dance once in awhile?

My fifteen seconds of fame came when I explained some deep and meaningful things about Matt's project to a reporter from KTVU Channel 2 News and they included two clips of my interview on the segment they aired on tonight's 10 o'clock news. I watched it with trepidation, but I have to say that I didn't sound or look that bad. Thank goodness for editing and the warm light of sunset.

Unbelievably, KTVU didn't put the video clip from the Matt Harding segment online. I'm flabbergasted that a story about Dancing Matt with such great sound bites by yours truly didn't fall under the "Top Stories" category. Whatever. Of course, we TIVO'd it, saved it for eternity, and also recorded it using a hand held video camera. I'll try and get it up soon for your viewing pleasure.

Have you seen Matt's 2006 video? It brought tears to my eyes; it's brilliant:

Oh, and Matt, the reporter mentioned in his story that tomorrow's your birthday. Happy Birthday!

NaNoWriMo 2007: All I'm saying is think about it

2007-09-24T18:39:00.000-07:00

There's this little thing I've done each November for the past two years. It's called National Novel Writing Month, or NaNoWriMo, and it involves writing a novel of 50,000 words during the month of November, starting on November 1 and ending no later than November 30.

Doing NaNoWriMo is exciting, horrible, painful, stressful, and also completely exhilarating. Especially when you finish, which I've done twice, once in 2005 and again in 2006. I've written two novels! Two novels that no person, including myself, has ever read start to finish, but still. Two novels!

It's official: Successful completion of NaNoWriMo makes you a novelist. Isn't that cool?

Earlier this year (or was it late last year?) I swore that the stress of NaNoWriMo was too much for me and that I wouldn't do it again. C'mon, I've got enough on my plate with mothering, cooking, driving, disciplining, cleaning, and--let's not forget--pleasing the husband. And yet as the days grow shorter and the weather cools, I've noticed that I've got these little things I can only refer to as "characters" running around in my head in circles that I can only describe as "plot twists." Let's face it: NaNoWriMo is addicting, and I'm clearly addicted.

Long story short, I'm gearing up to do it again this year because I'm nuts.

Hey, are you nuts, too? If so, think about joining me. It'll be fun! We can lament about our lagging word count and repetitive stress injuries while sharing secrets about what type of candy is the best for late night writing sessions. And if you live by me, we can meet in coffee shops with our laptops and look like all writerly together. We can also whisper loudly about OUR NOVELS.

Think about it. Sign-ups begin October 1 and you have until November 1 to decide that you, too, want to be a novelist like the rest of the cool kids.

Old faithful mommy

2007-09-23T21:48:00.001-07:00

Calistoga
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Today I took the kids on a day trip to Calistoga, a town in the Napa Valley. I was on the search for two things: country and fall color. I found both. Calistoga is traditionally known as a spa town and is home to many spas, but alas, none of them have childcare facilities. I therefore had to discover some child-friendly things to do while reminiscing about the many times I've been there as a childfree person with a penchant for hotel rooms with indoor hot tubs.

Calistoga is about two hours North from where we live. We left early and got there around 10. Our first stop was Bale Grist Mill, a state historic park. It's a working mill and we were the only visitors so I agreed to go on a short tour. And by short, I mean the kids chased a cat while an elderly docent attempted to explain in less than five minutes how the place works. On the way out I bought a bag of pastry flour milled on the premises. We'll use it to make cupcakes when Grammie Martha visits next month.

The next thing we did was go into the town of Calistoga to pick up deli sandwiches and other picnic goodies. I found a parking place right outside the deli, which was clearly a gift from the Heavens. We took our picnic lunch to Old Faithful Geyser.

Old Faithful Geyser is an all-natural phenomenon which tosses a scalding curtain of water anywhere from 20 to upwards of 75 feet into the air. Currently, Old Faithful is erupting approximately every 20-30 minutes, ensuring a minimal waiting period for an exciting and educational experience the whole family is sure to love.

Love is a rather strong word, but we certainly thought it was neat. They also have a petting zoo there with goats, sheep, and llamas that the kids liked.

After being awed by Old Faithful and eating lunch, we headed back into town to visit Pioneer Park. This park is just a block off Calistoga's main street (Lincoln Ave.) and is home to a large playground. The kids played and I wrote some letters. If you asked them, the kids would tell you that this was their favorite part of the day; all they really need to be happy is some playground equipment.

After the playground, we strolled Lincoln Ave. and had some ice cream before heading home to meet Mike for dinner at Chevy's. I wonder how many weeks in a row you have to repeat something before you can officially call it a tradition? We're very close to a tradition with our Sunday night dinners at Chevy's.

Pictures from our fieldtrip up on Flickr.

Yesterday I started on Fall cleaning and decorating. The living room is cleaned and re-decorated in the autumnal colors of plum, maroon, brown, and bronze. Tomorrow I'll tackle the kitchen/family room. I desperately need to sort through the kids's clothing and put away the last of the Burning Man stuff. I'm running out of closet space! That means a carload (or two or three) of stuff has got to find its way to Goodwill. Stat!

Full lunch bag moment

2007-09-21T21:05:00.001-07:00

Thomas with lunch bag
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Emily and I dropped Thomas and his lunch bag off at school today. This lunch bag holds a special place in our family. Mike bought it for work when we first started going out. He took his lunch in it for at least several weeks, perhaps longer.

Now it's the lunch bag I use to hold Thomas's lunch, which usually consists of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, a banana or apple, and a juice box.

Full lunch bag moment.

---

I've been enjoying art museums lately. Last week I went to the SF MOMA to see the Olafur Eliasson Take Your Time exhibit. I also caught the Matisse Painter as Sculptor exhibit. I recommend getting the audio tour if you visit the exhibits (I recommend this for any exhibit at any museum) -- it was helpful in explaining the intention behind many of Eliasson's works, which can seem very abstract and yet they are supposed to be interactive. In my uneducated opinion, interactive exhibits don't work in a venue where it's taboo to touch things. Interactivity in the museum setting is contrived and lame under the watchful eye of museum guards. The opportunity to leave comments about his pieces on a special blog is interesting, but I still would rather see Eliasson's work in his studio or at Burning Man.

I very much liked the Matisse exhibit because it was a retrospective of sorts and showed how his sculpture evolved over his lifetime and the impact it had on his later works of collage and paper cut outs. Again, I learned a lot from listening to the audio tour.

Today I visited the Legion of Honor in San Francisco's Lincoln Park. I had to take some pictures outside the museum because the weather was just gorgeous. The Rembrandt to Thiebaud: A Decade of Collecting Works on Paper exhibit was interesting and I recognized some of the photographs and prints. I also cruised through the museum's main collection of European paintings and decorative art.

I think the next museum on my list is the de Young, which is hosting the Nan Kempner: American Chic exhibit that my inner fashionista is dying to see.

---

It's raining here right now and it's supposed to rain tomorrow, too. I'm looking forward to a relaxing Saturday and maybe an out-of-town fieldtrip with the kids on Sunday. Happy weekend to you.

Someone productive this way comes

2007-09-20T19:30:00.000-07:00

I wasn't really all that productive today, but I like the title of this post. I've got Halloween on my mind, which may seem unnatural given that it's only September and that Halloween isn't happening for over a month. But you know me; I don't like to be caught unprepared for any major holiday.

Besides, when you're a kid Halloween is a holiday that lasts the entire month of October. It starts with pumpkin patch fieldtrips, moves on to parades and parties at school, and ends with that hallowed day when you face your fears about talking to strangers and traipse through your neighborhood with sack in hand, ringing door bells in the hopes of getting fistfuls of chocolate.

In preparation for the month-o-Halloween, the kids practiced trick-or-treating today. They held up their bags to me and said in their most saccharine-sweet of voices, "trick or treat!" They were so cute I had to gift them a few jelly beans. (I'm saving the chocolate for after they go to bed.)

I actually owed them the jelly beans as a bribe for posing for a picture suitable for our Halloween card. I took photo after photo of the children in various stages of grimacing and bouncing around, all the while saying things like, "Be still! Look at me! Smile nicely or you're not going to get any jelly beans!"

When it comes to holiday photos, I'm a total mommy dearest.

After taking 53 photos, deciding 6 were contestants, and uploading 3 to Shutterfly, I finally decided on the one that will grace the cover of our Halloween card. I know you're dying to see it, but you'll have to wait until October 31, unless you're one of the nineteen lucky family members who will be receiving a card in the mail sometime in mid October.

Oh, and I finished the October newsletter for my mothers club and got it off to the printer. Compared to trying to take a non-blurry photo of two preschoolers, that was a piece of cake.

Mother of my own destiny

2007-09-20T10:18:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot lately about my life as a mom, particularly my life since I became a mom to two kids.

Emily is 4 years old and Thomas is 2.75 years old. My kids are seventeen months apart, which means that in early 2004, when Emily was 8 months old, we were trying to get pregnant again. We succeeded, and Thomas was born in December of 2004.

After writing nothing for months, I started my Mom Writes blog on January 31, 2005 and posted one entry in which I wrote, "I've started a new online journal. Hopefully this will make it easier for me to post my musings."

The next entry I posted was in June, when I wrote, "I'm having a hard time finding the time to write in my blog."

Life was hard; I will not lie to you. Even though I made Emily an "I'm the big sister" T-shirt when Thomas was born, she was still very much a baby. She still drank her water and juice from a bottle and wore a diaper. She couldn't get in her car seat by herself. I had to carry her when we crossed the street because she had no concept of cars or even of walking in a straight line. She still sat in a high chair to eat.

Thomas was a baby who liked to nurse, cry, and wake up a lot during the night. He demanded--and got--a lot of my attention. I wore Thomas in a Baby Bjorn for hours every day. I wore him when I made breakfast, when I exercised on the elliptical, when I made lunch, when I went grocery shopping or to Target, when I made dinner. I wore him at playgroup and when I took Emily on outings. Every night I took off that spit-soaked Baby Bjorn with a sigh of relief. Honestly? I don't think my back will ever be the same.

Life with two children--two babies--became a series of well-rehearsed routines: what we did morning, noon, and night; what we did each day of the week and on the weekends; how we got into the car; how we stocked the diaper bag; what we took with us when we left the house. Leaving the house was always challenging.

I struggled to keep happy during January, February, March, April, May, June, July, and August of 2005. I often felt isolated, alone, misunderstood, and overworked. I did a little bit better in September when Mike and I decided we could afford to get me some help. Hiring a nanny to come over two days a week improved my outlook considerably and the skies again looked blue. Just like that.

I could end this post right now with the advice that if you're stuck in a mother rut, get help. For me, it worked to hire a nanny who could also double as a nighttime babysitter if we needed her. We never again had to miss important events because we had nobody to watch our kids. That was big.

And as time went on, life got easier. The babies became toddlers, then the toddlers became preschoolers. I like preschoolers, especially when they use words like "please" and "thank you." My kids are best friends who play with each other whenever they're together. I meet with other moms for coffee and conversation, in playgroup settings, and for the occasional mom's night out. Having time to myself on a regular basis keeps me sane. I exercise, try to eat right, and make sure my clothes fit me to avoid the depression that falls when my pants are too tight. I travel with the kids, go on lots of fieldtrips, and take them on road trips, even when I cry at night because I am so tired of being a mother and of having to take care of other people whose needs seem more important than my own.

If you read my blog, you might think that my life is easy, that I have no cares in the world, and that things have always been that way. You might see me as a spoiled suburban housewife, a gym-going mom with a nanny and a lot of clothes who whines and writes in her blog when her lunch at a mid-scale urban restaurant is interrupted by the antics of her typically well-behaved children who aren't even developmentally delayed.

I do have a good life, but it didn't--and doesn't--come without a lot of hard work, a lot of trial and error, and a lot of tough decisions and determination.

I'm proud of the work I've done as a mother and yet I don't think my story or history is particularly unique. All moms work hard. I believe this to be true whether a mom has no nanny or ten nannies; is single, married, or divorced; works outside of the home or not; has children with learning disabilities or children who are gifted.

Whatever the particular circumstances that make the work challenging--whether they're short-term, long-term, temporary, or terminal--the tricky part for me is translating the hard work into the knowledge that my life is good because this is my life.

My life with kids is what I make of it, and I have chosen to make it a good life.

Ahoy, Internets!

2007-09-19T11:06:00.001-07:00

Playing Pirates
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Avast, me beauties and lubbers! It's International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Arrrrrrr!

If you want to be humiliated like I was, go find out your Pirate Personality Inventory (TOTLAPPI). You've got to do better than I did:

You are The Pirate

Do you remember the last time you took a chance? It was when you decided to leave the security of your mother's womb and headed for the bright light. It's time to head for the next bright light, my friend. Creativity is not your strong suit. You are good at doing what you are told to do and that, in itself, is a gift. It's not a gift to you, mind you, but a gift to those who will be there to tell you what to do. You like long walks on the beach and cuddling, but would never admit that to your pirate pals who think you are okay but can't always remember your name. Tapioca pudding seems a bit extreme for someone such as yourself, what with all the bumps and stuff. It's a good thing you are on a pirate ship, otherwise, you would be walking because you are positively pedestrian. Have a nice day.

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
Brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!

Five random thoughts in ascending order

2007-09-18T10:05:00.000-07:00

One
Thomas dropped a ring into the toilet today. Lucky for me--the lady who fished it out--the toilet had been flushed prior to the ring being dropped in it.

Two
Here are two conversations I've recently had with Emily.

Conversation #1:
Me: Emily, do you like art class?
Emily: No.
Me: I thought you liked it!?
Emily: No. I like it a little bit.
Me: What part do you like?
Emily: Snack time!

Conversation #2:
Me: What are you getting out of that drawer?
Emily: Um... another straw?
Me: Emily, no more straws! That's the final straw!

Three
I like to eat three meals a day. I'm a breakfast, lunch, and dinner kind of gal. Recently I've started taking a picture every day of what I'm eating for lunch. I haven't posted any of these, but it's an interesting way to make sure I put a little more care into what I'm putting into my body.

Four
San Francisco is home to four carousels: San Francisco Zoo, Pier 39, Zeum at Yerba Buena Gardens, and Golden Gate Park. My latest child-driven quest is to visit all four. So far we've been to the one at Pier 39. Today we'll visit the one at Yerba Buena Gardens.

Five
I've reduced my workout regime to five days a week. I work out Monday through Friday and take the weekends off. My workout routine is basically the same each time: 25 to 40 minutes of cardio on the elliptical in our living room followed by 10 minutes of arm exercises using 3-pound weights and some stretching.

When in Santa Cruz

2007-09-16T22:01:00.001-07:00

Santa Cruz
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Our mini vacation to Santa Cruz was a big success. And I've learned the secret--yes, the hard way--to successful dining experiences when out alone with the kids: picnics!

We started our adventure with a picnic lunch on the beach at the Santa Cruz Boardwalk. The kids had peanut butter and jelly on whole wheat and I had my favorite sandwich of all time, avocado and Monterey Jack cheese with mayo on whole wheat. Add clover sprouts if you've got them. Seriously delicious.

The day was beautiful -- warm and sunny with a slight breeze. The ocean was freezing, but the kids loved playing in the waves. At one point, the current got a little unpredictable and a couple of crazy cross currents swept the kids off their feet. That's when I put down the camera and concentrated on making sure they didn't get swept out to sea. I'm such a good mom.

After drying off in the sun and enjoying the big container of orange slices I had brought, we went back to the car to change into dry clothes and headed back to the Boardwalk for ice cream and carousel rides. We didn't see nearly as much of the Boardwalk and Wharf as I thought we were going to see; after being in the sun for over four hours, I was ready to get to our hotel for a bit of washing up and relaxing before dinner. Judging by how easy it was to persuade the kids it was time to go, I knew they were ready, too.

We spent the night at the Best Western Suites hotel on Soquel and Ocean. It was nice. The room had a jacuzzi bathtub and a working fireplace, both of which we enjoyed after dinner at Thai House, a Thai restaurant right across the street. Frolicking in the sun and surf is tiring! The kids and I were all asleep by 9:00.

With only one small mishap during the night when Thomas fell off the bed, we slept until our usual wake up time of 6:45. The hotel offered free breakfast of eggs, waffles, potatoes, cereals, etc. At 7:00, the only other people in the lobby eating were a German family with kids the same age as Emily and Thomas and a man who told me he remembers when his kids got up early but now he couldn't get them out of bed to save his life. He didn't say it, but I knew we were discussing teenagers. *shiver*

After checking out, we went back to the beach to see the ocean at mid-morning. It was still there; waves were still crashing ashore. There was movement and energy and people staring out, mesmerized by the phenomenon that never stops. When I went to Chico State, I was best friends with a girl who was from Laguna Beach. She dropped out of school our sophomore year; she couldn't stand being so far away from the ocean. I didn't understand it at the time. I understand it a little more now.

By 11:00 we were strolling the streets of downtown Santa Cruz. I wanted to get coffee at Bad Ass Coffee, which I read was a "kid-friendly" coffee shop. It was definitely kid friendly, with a large play area in the front of the store devoted to gym mats and large foam building blocks. The kids loved it and even made friends with another little boy who was there with his babysitter. They didn't want to leave.

But I wanted to find a souvenir, something to commemorate our time spent in Santa Cruz. When I saw Old School Shoes, I knew what it would be: Vans! Because seriously, when in Rome... Also, can you get any cooler than a preschooler wearing Vans? I don't think so. Emily loves hers so much that I caught her trying to wear them to bed tonight.

After buying my kids the coolest shoes in the Universe, I decided another picnic was in order and got lunch to go from New Leaf. Back in the car, we searched for a park with a playground. We found one not too far from downtown and enjoyed our sandwiches at Laurel Park. The playground was empty and the kids had fun on the play structure for about an hour while I sat and read the paper. It was the most relaxed I felt all weekend. I think being alone helped; I didn't have to worry about the kids getting lost or some other horrible scenario.

After the park, we decided to end our retreat and return home. Mike was very happy to see us and even carried our suitcase from the car into the kitchen. Then he took us out to Chevy's for dinner. He had a good weekend although not as good as he wanted; he's a little behind schedule on his top-secret hobby project. I guess that means the kids and I have more reason to venture out on our own in the upcoming weekends!

Pictures from our weekend are up on Flickr.

Supporting hubby's hobby habit

2007-09-14T16:59:00.001-07:00

Burning Man 2007
Originally uploaded by marytsao

This post is all about what a great partner I am, except that I can't reveal any of the specific details about what makes me such a wonderful and supportive wife. All I can say is that Mike has spent many hours this year working on a big personal hobby project. If you think about it, any big personal hobby project = time you aren't doing things like washing dishes and driving your kids to school. But that's okay. As long as you have a partner as wonderful as me.

Smiley face!

Mike's very big personal hobby project requires him to keep his nose to the grindstone for the next month or so, and he's particularly busy this upcoming weekend. In order to give him the space to study uninterrupted, I'm leaving town with the kids tomorrow on an impromptu overnight jaunt to Santa Cruz. We'll cruise the beach and the Boardwalk, and we'll wander around downtown. We might get ice cream more than once.

We'll miss Mike but hopefully he'll be able to get a lot done without the background noise of children being children. Also, we wish him lots of luck tomorrow morning even though we can't talk about why.

Expect lots of pictures when we return on Sunday! Hope you've got something fun and spontaneous planned for this lovely fall weekend.

The emancipation of Mary Pat

2007-09-13T11:04:00.001-07:00

2nd grade
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Carmen of Mom to the Screaming Masses did the Middle Name Meme, which involves writing a post using each letter of your middle name to describe something relevant to your life.

Coincidentally, Carmen and I have the same middle name, Patricia. When I was little, folks called me Mary Pat. And no, I am not Irish, except for the bit that comes from my grandfather's mother, my great grandmother.

Only family is still allowed to call me Mary Pat.

Here's my stab at the Middle Name Meme:

P is for Perseverance. You may call me a victim of some type of Protestant work ethic, but I am a firm believer in diligence and hard work being good for the soul. Plus, it gets things done. That said, I am also a firm believer in the proverb all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. (see Relaxation, below.)

A is for Alcoholic. This is the last week of my outpatient alcohol rehabilitation program. I've learned a lot of things about myself, and I've hopefully learned coping skills that can replace self-medication as ways of dealing with whatever crazy stuff life throws my way.

T is for Travel. I like to travel; it's almost an obsession with me at this point. I see my life as having two main facets: stability and change. The stability part is living the suburban dream and providing my kids with a routine-based life that isn't erratic or unsettling. The change part involves traveling, challenging myself and my kids to be both self-sufficient as well as open to meeting new people and trying new things, exploring the world outside of our suburban paradise.

R is for Relaxation. After I work my ass off, I like to relax my ass off. I like saying no to superfluous work projects, lounging around the house in my pajamas, getting massages and having my nails done, and enjoying afternoons with nothing to do except meander through a shopping mall.

I is for Issues. In addition to my inane desire to self-medicate, I've got other psychological issues. They include being overly sensitive--particularly to criticism, and having traits associated with being a people pleaser.

C is for Children. I have two children and I'm tossing around the idea of having more. There's no doubt that having children changed me in numerous and measurable ways, many of which I can't even begin to articulate in a sentence or two. Perhaps I'll explore these changes in another blog post.

I is for I. When I'm thinking clearly, I realize that I'm the most important person in my life and pleasing myself is just as important as pleasing and taking care of others.

A is for Assimilation. I am a suburbanite. I have drunk the Kool-aid, and I am not ashamed to admit I like having a driveway, a backyard with a lawn, access to clean and beautiful parks and playgrounds, and excellent local schools. If you had told me when I was 25 that I would be 39 with kids and enjoying living in the 'burbs, I would have thought you were just saying that to annoy me.

Who's next on the list to do the Middle Name Meme?

The price of milk in San Mateo

2007-09-12T20:52:00.000-07:00

Our local food store just underwent a remodel, which basically means they gave the place new flooring and internal signage, then rearranged everything so that it feels like a new store because shoppers no longer know where anything is.

Oh, and in case you were wondering who was going to pay for this remodel, Mike and I have noticed how all of the prices are higher now than they were when the linoleum was old and scratched. Hello!

But I will admit that my heart beat faster when I went to the grocery store this morning and noticed this:

New carts. Clean carts. Carts that don't wobble when you push them. Carts with kid straps that aren't broken. Carts that haven't served as a homeless person's home. Carts with cup holders to accommodate the Starbucks generation. New carts!

This is exciting stuff, but if I had to choose between paying $4.60 for a gallon of milk and carrying my own coffee, I'd probably go with the latter.

Experiencing Patriot Day

2007-09-11T22:20:00.000-07:00

When I wrote my cheery "Happy Tuesday!" yesterday, I had forgotten that today is September 11, the day we remember the nearly 3,000 people who died on September 11, 2001, now known as Patriot Day. I apologize if I offended anyone.

I've written before about my memories of that day so I won't repeat myself, but I will admit that the smalls signs that commemorated Patriot Day--flags flown at half-staff and on neighbor's homes--reminded me again of the tragedy of senseless deaths.

It seemed somehow appropriate that I parked next to the AIDS Memorial Grove when the kids and I went to Golden Gate Park today. Emily asked me what it was and I explained that it was a garden in honor of the many San Francisco residents who have lost their lives to AIDS. She didn't ask me any follow-up questions; she's still too young to understand a concept like death.

It's difficult to know exactly how to celebrate the "National Day of Prayer and Remembrance for the Victims Of the Terrorist Attacks." I will be interested to see how and in what grade they will discuss Patriot Day in elementary school, if at all. I didn't talk to Emily or Thomas today about the events of September 11, 2001, but I did make sure to have a good time with them and to give them lots of hugs and kisses.

Perhaps the best way to memorialize death is with a celebration of life.

Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows. --Pope Paul VI

Living a life with less gray and more driving

2007-09-10T20:28:00.000-07:00

Today was a rather typical school day around these parts. Mike stuck around to drive Thomas to school, which starts at 8:00, and I worked out before dropping off Emily at her school at 9:00. I love it when I get my workout in early in the day; there's less chance I'll skip it! After dropping Emily off, I went to Trader Joe's to stock up on food for the week, mostly fresh veggies, fruits, cheeses, yogurt, and meats. I've noticed that it's easy to feel good about myself and my family's eating habits after shopping at Trader Joe's. I need to shop there more often.

After returning home and putting away the groceries, I dyed my hair. Did you know that the American people are currently fighting a war over going gray? Apparently, it's the war you fight when you're done fighting in the mommy wars. I'm sure one day I'll stop dyeing my hair, but it might not be for another decade. In fact why don't I declare right now that when I turn 49, I will go gray for my 50th birthday, much like writer Anne Kreamer did. How exciting! My first goal for the year I push 50.

After picking up Emily at 12:00 and Thomas at 12:30, we met my friend Jen and her daughter for lunch in downtown Burlingame. Thomas was cranky and tired; preschool wears him out and he would have loved a nap, but Emily had art class at 1:45 so the timing wasn't right. While our older kids were at art class, Jen and I went for a walk with Thomas in the stroller. The weather is nice this time of year; warm but not hot. A perfect day for a mid-afternoon stroll.

The kids aren't used to this staggered life of his-n-her schedules we now are living. We're spending more time in the car, either driving or waiting for something to happen. I knew that one day this is exactly what my life would be like. I am a pre-soccer mom, a driver of kids, a keeper of time. I suspect the kids will adjust. I will put books, water, and Wheat Thins in the car to ensure a high happiness factor.

After art class, we bid adieu to our friends and came home to relax, check email, watch Tivo'd Wonder Pets!, and make dinner. Tonight I served store-bought roast chicken with Trader Joe's Potato Medley and steamed corn on the cob. Dinner was good, but the best part came later when I carefully picked all of the meat off the chicken carcass and cobbled together a most delicious chicken salad. I mixed the shredded chicken with mayo, stone ground mustard, sweet onion, celery, minced garlic, seasoning salt, and dried basil. Yum.

It's the kind of chicken salad that inspires a picnic in the park, the kind of chicken salad I can plan a day around. Tuesdays are our fun day, when we've got nothing to do except whatever we want; tune in tomorrow night to find out what we did and where we went.

Oh, and a happy Tuesday to you, too!

New (school) year resolutions

2007-09-09T18:39:00.000-07:00

I, Mary Tsao, mother of Emily Tsao and Thomas Tsao, hereby resolve to:

Start each school day in a good mood.

Do as much as I can the night before school days to avoid crazy morning run-arounds. This includes making sure clothes are clean, setting out outfits for those who don't hate it when I do this, and making sure we've got lunch and breakfast fixings.

Check the calendar the night before to make sure any paperwork is ready or special needs are met.

Wake up early enough to get the kids out of the house without yelling and freaking out.

Make sure each kid gets something in his or her stomach for breakfast, whether it's oatmeal (good) or wheat thins (better than nothing).

Drop each child off with a smile, hug, and kiss, while they still don't mind being seen kissing me.

Make it a point to smile and say "Good morning," "Thank you," or something else that is friendly and nice to their teachers at drop off and pick up.

Tomorrow is our third day of school and so far, so good. I like Thomas's teachers, and he's jumped into the land of preschool without a backward glance. It feels natural returning to Emily's school for her second year, and I like knowing most of the other moms and having already established relationships with her teachers.

The school year hold lots of promise!

P.S. The front patio is clean and as a bonus, so is the playroom. The Tsao family had a productive Sunday! Hope your weekend was as fabulous as you are.

Saturday tidbits

2007-09-08T20:35:00.001-07:00

Gilroy Gardens
Originally uploaded by marytsao

We're going to be part of a Flat Stanley project for a 5th grade class in Wisconsin! Daisy hooked us up. This excites me, and I wonder what it means that I'm already thinking of where we will go and what kind of fun we'll have with our Stanley. It's like hosting an exchange student but without the high phone bills or homesickness.

Too bad Stanley wasn't with us today, when we visited local amusement park Gilroy Gardens, formerly known as Bonfante Gardens for those of you who grew up in the San Jose/Gilroy area. I've been meaning to go to this place for years, but today was the first time I could talk Mike into joining us. It was fun! The weather was perfect, sunny but not too hot, and the place wasn't crowded at all. It's expensive to get in and I suggest you bring your own food and drink, or eat before you go. The food is outrageously expensive, e.g., $6.00 for a hot dog. But the rides are perfect for preschoolers and there's also a number of water features. If it's hot, definitely bring a bathing suit and towel with you. All in all, a great place and worth the hour-long trek from our home. Pictures on Flickr.

The kids and I have finalized our travel plans for October. We're no longer going to New York; neither a family trip nor a me-n-kids solo trip worked out. Instead we're going to New Mexico for the fifth anniversary of my aunt Paula's death. We'll be joining my aunt Davida and visiting my cousin Rachel, her partner Matt, and their kids Louise and Julianna. We'll also be seeing my uncle David and cousin Ben and I'm sure a lot of old friends.

Over the Halloween holiday, we'll be hosting Grammie Martha. The kids and I sat down with some catalogs and decided that Emily will be Dora and Thomas will be Diego. I have their costumes on order. My mom and I will be witches. The kind who look like normal women but who wear pointy black hats.

I've declared tomorrow Burning Man Clean-up Day -or- The Day That All of The Dusty Crap on My Patio Will Get Cleaned and Put Somewhere Day. I'm going to start immediately following my morning cup of coffee. Wish me luck!

Haiku Friday: A trio for the morning

2007-09-07T08:42:00.000-07:00

Oatmeal to eat
Hot coffee to wash it down
Balanced breakfast, right?

Making lunch for Tom
Sandwich, fruit, and juice box, too
Lots and lots of love

Thinking 'bout the day
An afternoon with the kids
Rosa called in sick

***
Get in on the Haiku Friday action! Check out Christine of A Mommy Story's post.

I dream of Amy Winehouse

2007-09-06T10:15:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream that I met Amy Winehouse.

I was in London with Thomas. We were at a train station and needed to get on a bus to go to a hotel. I was in London on a business trip, and my co-worker (a guy I used to work with when I worked in the insurance industry) had jumped on a previous bus. I don't know why Thomas was with me and not Emily or Mike.

Thomas and I were in the train station when I looked over and saw Amy Winehouse. She was with one other guy--he looked like a manager-type--and nobody was bothering her. She was pretty with her big hair and eyeliner.

There was some panic on my part about my luggage and where it was... I think I was also missing my purse. I didn't have my camera and that bothered me because I wanted to take a picture of Amy. I went outside to search for my bag. I was also nervous about getting on the right bus and not knowing exactly where I was or where I was going.

There was a feeling that what I should be doing was outside the train station: taking care of Thomas, finding my luggage, getting on a bus. But what I wanted to be doing was inside the train station: stalking Amy Winehouse and taking her picture.

I found my bag outside by the curb and got out my camera. When I went back inside the train station, it was very dark and Amy's hair was flat and wet. I was disappointed because it's her big hair that really fascinates me. I started taking her picture but she looked over at me and I felt bad, like I was violating her privacy. I asked her if I could take her picture, and she said, "yes."

That's when she started posing for me and I was thrilled to get the opportunity to take her picture, but my camera wouldn't work! It was so dark inside the train station that I couldn't get the camera to take a picture, no matter how hard I pressed the button. I even had Amy move to the door, to be closer to the filtered light that was coming in, but nothing helped. At one point she asked that I take a close-up of her face and not photograph her below the chest. Maybe she was worried about her weight. She didn't look as deathly thin as she normally does and she looked healthy. Perhaps she was off drugs.

I never could get the camera to take her picture and then her manager came over and said they had to leave to catch their train. She gave me her phone number but my pen was running out of ink and I could barely get the number scratched onto a piece of cardboard.

The end.

Trippy.

First day of school: last year, this year

2007-09-05T09:53:00.000-07:00

Last year:

Emily was 3 and entering her first year of preschool.
Thomas was 1.75 and still home with mommy.

This year:

Emily is 4 and entering her second and final year of preschool.
Thomas is 2.75 and entering his first year of preschool.

Wow. I need another cup of coffee.

Goodbye, last day of summer

2007-09-04T22:25:00.000-07:00

Both kids start preschool tomorrow. I've got their outfits set out and breakfast fixings on the counter. After eating our oatmeal and getting dressed, I'll take a photo of the kids standing at the front door. Emily is an old pro at preschool, but it will be Thomas's first day. He's going to a different school and I need to pack him a lunch. It will be the first brown bag lunch I've made in my career as a mom. A milestone, for sure.

We've had a great summer, starting with our family vacation to Disneyland and Los Angeles. Also in June my aunt Davida, cousin Michael, and niece Jessica visited for Emily's 4th birthday blowout where the Hipwaders performed.

After celebrating the 4th of July here in our neighborhood, we went on a camping trip with my Mothers Club. I took the kids on a mini vacation to Monterey in mid-July, then went by myself to the BlogHer conference in Chicago. The kids got their first taste of summer camp and loved it.

August was spent suffering and recovering from a gastrointestinal bug as well as preparing for our biggest family adventure to date: the Burning Man festival in Black Rock City, Nevada. Stop, drop, and roll, baby! This summer we also went on field trips to San Francisco, Hidden Villa, Children's Discovery Museum, Coyote Point Museum, and various local parks.

I took photos to document all of these events and more, which is good because without them I probably wouldn't remember what happened yesterday, let alone three months ago!

I think I'm ready for Fall. Are you?

222 pictures from Burning Man

2007-09-03T23:37:00.001-07:00

Burning Man 2007
Originally uploaded by marytsao

We're back! Got time to see 222 pictures? Great! Our pictures from Burning Man are up.

Art, dust, kids, and funky desert fashion. We had a great time and we did a lot, including renewing our vows and taking a scenic tour of Black Rock City from the air. The kids had a great time and were sorry when it ended.

But all good things must come to an end, and now we're busy cleaning and decompressing. More details later!

Fall forward in fifteen minutes

2007-08-25T09:51:00.001-07:00

Step 4: Add Thomas
Originally uploaded by marytsao

I'm trying something new with this entry. I'm only giving myself fifteen minutes to get my thoughts down before I push the Publish button. I'm hoping that I'll blog more often if I have a self-imposed deadline and if I know for sure that it won't take an hour out of my busy day.

Okay! Here goes.

We are just days away from leaving for Burning Man. Life is frantic in a positive way. All of our hard work and planning will soon pay off when we get the opportunity to relax and enjoy the art, music, and people that make up the event. Mike has been a great partner in this adventure and we are in agreement about most decisions. When we disagree, it's been civil and hasn't escalated into something horrible. Good, good, good. If we can pull this off, I have no worries about us attempting a month-long vacation in another country (more about that later.)

I am writing regularly in my Burning Family blog and it's been an interesting experience to have a blog with few dedicated readers. I love it. It's refreshing to have a Google page rank of 0 but to see that my blog does come up in searches and that people are finding it. A couple of people have linked to it. I'm hoping the information I'm sharing is helpful to people; I've been getting supportive comments that it is. It's gratifying in a way that's different from the attention that this--my established--blog gets. I might blog more about this later, after I've had a chance to mull it over.

Both Thomas and Emily start preschool the week we get back from Burning Man. My life will change a bit at that time. Due to age requirements, Thomas is going to a different preschool. I'll be busier doing pick ups and drop offs, although I'll also have more time alone on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Aside from preschool, Emily is taking an art class and I'm hoping to get Thomas enrolled in a music class. I think Emily's love of drawing might be a precursor to a love of writing -- we'll see what evolves from the art class. Thomas definitely loves music and the idea of playing musical instruments, especially drums and guitar. I want to get him into a class that has no parental involvement and begins the process of formal training but in a fun, play-based way. There are several music academies around here I can check out.

Uh oh, fifteen minutes is up! I'd better hop in the shower and get to work packing our clothes for Burning Man. Hope you all have a great weekend planned. I hope to blog at least one more time before we leave, but don't expect anything from me next week. I'm not into the guest blogging thing. Hey, how can you miss me if I don't go away?

Loving and hating

2007-08-22T12:09:00.000-07:00

Loving

Feeling better, finally.
Our nanny Rosa, who has worked for us for two years and whom we love. She's here today and she took the kids to the park, their first outside outing in five days. Right now she's making chicken soup from scratch because she says I "look weak."
Santa Cruz Organic lemonade. It's made with real sugar (not the dreaded high fructose corn syrup) and it's yummy. And they are not paying or otherwise reimbursing me to write this.

Hating

Graham crackers. What's with all the crumbs?!?! Mom's new rule: Graham crackers are to be eaten outside!

Somebody's always trying to eat her cookies

2007-08-21T19:55:00.000-07:00

I am on day five of my illness, and I'm hoping that it's the last day. I was talking to a friend yesterday and as soon as she heard I wasn't feeling well--and after I discreetly indicated it was a gastrointestinal bug--she loudly exclaimed, "I had that! It's nonstop diarrhea for five days straight!"

If she's right, then today was my last day of this shit. No pun intended. Is that even a pun? I'm not sure of anything anymore.

Life's been on standstill while I rock back and forth and curse the day I was born. I'm hoping the pace will pick up tomorrow. In the meantime, here are some stories that Emily told me today.

Story #1 by Emily Tsao
One day I was making some cookies and my mother loved them. Then a pony got here and then he was eating my cookies. I was going home and making my cookies and he ate one cookie and he went with me and he ate some cookies. Then we went round and round and I went back home. The end.

Story #2 by Emily Tsao
One day I was with my mother and then a wolfie guy was eating my cookies. Cookies are chocolate chip cookies and then they were all gone. And then a wolf was eating them and Thomas is a wolf. And then he was eating my cookies and then he was making a cake for my mommy. And then I was going back home. The end.

In sickness and without cake

2007-08-17T15:46:00.000-07:00

I have been given the ultimate birthday present from my child: her gastrointestinal bug. "The yucks" started last night after I got home from group therapy and lasted all night. This morning Mike went to work early and I didn't even get out of bed until 11, when my spinning head and queasy tummy confirmed that I immediately needed to return.

The kids have been very supportive, watching PBS all day and feeding themselves crackers out of the cupboard. They're awesome.

Tonight's date night is canceled, and you won't be seeing me in my sexy get-up unless you think wrinkled jammies are sexy. Absinthe regrets they won't be seeing us, and Mike is currently in the process of giving our Avenue Q tickets away to a lucky co-worker. I am feeling slightly sorry for myself; I bought those tickets in April! Oh well, such is life.

On a positive note, the crinoline I ordered for Burning Man finally arrived. It's nice and soft and fluffy and lavender -- perfect for the Playa. And thank you for all of the happy birthday wishes. As soon as I can stomach the thought, I'm gonna get me some cake, dammit!

They say it's my birthday

2007-08-16T13:47:00.001-07:00

Self portrait of the housewife on her birthday
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Today I turn the big 3-9, only one year away from the big 4-0! How exciting. Happy Birthday to me and happy birthday to my sister Barb, my friend Doris, and my friend Mindy of The Mommy Blog. We are Leos, hear us roar.

I was all set to go to playgroup this morning and have my friends commiserate about my advanced age over a dozen frosted cupcakes. Because if there's one thing I want to do on my birthday, it's eat cake and lots of it. Unfortunately, Emily's two bouts of vomiting yesterday weren't a coincidence or the result of pigging out and today she woke up with a fever. No playgroup for us. The worst thing about missing playgroup is that I was going to buy the cupcakes on the way. So no playgroup, no commiserating, and no cupcakes. Gee, some birthday this is turning out to be!

The gifts, cards, emails, e-cards, and phone calls are making up for it. My uncle Henry called and told me he remembers the day I was born; he was working in the stock room of the Art Institute of Chicago. He also told me it was the only thing he remembers from 1968. What a joker! My aunt Mary had been waiting anxiously at our old flat on Iowa Street. On the day I was born there was a big storm in the Chicago area and the power had gone out. My mom called to remind me that I was born at 5:14 PM, central time. My sister was born 28 minutes earlier. Exciting times.

For my birthday Mike and the kids got me scuba diving lessons and a book about scuba diving. Tomorrow night he and I are going to dinner at San Francisco's Absinthe restaurant before seeing Avenue Q at the Orpheum Theater. I've got a sexy new frock to wear and I'm going to shave my legs. Party with me.

If it's your birthday, too, then happy birthday to you!

My Mama Haiku

2007-08-15T18:08:00.001-07:00

My superhero necklace, by Emily
Originally uploaded by marytsao

I'm a total slow poke sometimes. In other words, a procrastinator, a heel dragger, a human. For example, I had every intention of entering the Haiku Buckaroo Contest at Mommy's Blog, but one day went by, then another, then a whole bunch in a row, and before I knew it, it was too late and the contest was over.

Oh well. Congratulations to the finalists and the winner!

Here's the haiku I was going to enter if only Leslie hadn't ended her contest so darn early.

Sitting on the couch
Children fighting over me
"My Mama!" she cries.

Pitter patter putter

2007-08-12T13:54:00.000-07:00

The family has no social obligations today and it's so nice. Not that it's not nice to have friends and social events to attend, but all partying and no puttering makes mommy feel crazy, ya know?

Emily and I had a great time yesterday going to birthday parties. The first was for two sweet little girls whom we know from a playgroup. Their mom hired local children's musician Andy Z and he rocked. His backyard act is pretty mellow so there's not a big noise factor to consider, and the kids love his music. All the kids except Emily, who hung out with the adults until it was time for the pinata and ice cream cake. That child likes her sweets.

The second party was for another playgroup friend, a four-year old who wants to be a mermaid when she grows up. Her parents hosted her party at an indoor pool in Half Moon Bay. The kids and adults had the pool to themselves for an hour, then we congregated in a private room for dinner and cupcakes. That was a lot of fun, and hey, who doesn't like eating cake twice in one day?

Right now the sun is shining but it's not too hot, a nice mellow day to work on various projects for Burning Man. I'm taking a break from the puttering to blog and eat curry chicken over veggie fried rice that Mike made. Since he tackled breakfast (oatmeal) and lunch (the curry I'm eating), I'm in charge of dinner, which will be turkey burgers with a salad of tomato, basil, and mozzarella.

A day of socializing and a day of dilly-dallying -- now that's my idea of a balanced weekend.

Happy Sunday.

Gotta love those Internets

2007-08-10T20:52:00.001-07:00

Emily in her dress from Veronique
Originally uploaded by marytsao

Another good day on the Internets for the Tsao family!

I won Veronique of Little Elephants' drawing for a Wati dress for little girls in size 4. I thought it would be perfect for Miss Emily and it is!

Emily loves the dress. I know this because she put it on immediately upon receiving it, then ran into the living room and asked that her picture be taken. This pose is her own; all I did was take the picture.

If you're looking for ideas for fun and creative things to do with your kids, check out Little Elephants. Veronique might just be your lifesaver on a rainy (or sunny) day.

Taking inventory, cutting back

2007-08-09T21:19:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up and almost immediately felt overwhelmed by L-I-F-E. What's up? I wondered. Perhaps it was because of the massive amount of emails in my inbox. Perhaps it was because the last day of summer camp was yesterday. Perhaps it was because my sleep was interrupted twice last night by the addition to my bed of first Thomas and then Emily. Mike and I share a full size bed that was not made to sleep four people, one of whom likes to toss and turn and has elbows that feel like ice picks.

Not sure the exact problem, I decided to tackle all three. First, I removed myself from an especially prolific email list. Then I sent an email to my playgroup telling them that I wasn't feeling well and I wouldn't be attending; that took off any pressure I had to get showered or dressed or to get the kids out of the house. Last but not least, I had a serious talk with the kids about how they needed to start sleeping ALL NIGHT in their own beds and how if they came into our bed again, they would promptly be removed.

The dirty work done, I spent the rest of the day halfheartedly doing chores, encouraging the children to play quietly, and laying in the sun while reading magazines. Life is back to being good.

About that deleted post about tits

2007-08-07T10:10:00.000-07:00

Hi.

If you are reading my blog with a feed reader, you may have seen a post about tits. But then when you clicked on the post, you found that it was deleted.

My bad.

I accidentally posted my latest Burning Family post Critical Tits and the High Cost of Pasties on this, my family-friendly blog. Lions and tigers and tits, oh my!

Hope your boss didn't just walk by.

Bye now!

Hi and greetings from the world's worst blogger

2007-08-06T21:53:00.001-07:00

Children's Discovery Museum
Originally uploaded by marytsao

I recently discovered two things about myself:

1. Getting two kids out the door and to summer camp by 8:30 AM is difficult. Even if I'm content looking like a schlumpalina, unshowered, wearing sweats, and with my hair in a scrunchie, it's still hard. Even when I wake up ninety minutes before we're supposed to leave the house, it's still hard. I know I told the Blogosphere that I am a morning person, but I do get used to a certain schedule. For example, the entire past year I was used to a 9:00 AM school start time. 8:30 is not 9:00, and that lost thirty minutes feels like a lot. What the heck am I going to do in the fall when Thomas's preschool starts at the unholy hour of 8:00 AM? I think I might need to resort to that old trick of setting my clock ahead, something I haven't done since I quit my corporate job.

2. I suck at blogging for two different blogs, even--or especially--when both of the blogs are mine. While I've got plenty to write about preparing for our upcoming trip to Burning Man, I've got very little to write about my "everyday adventures as a mom of two." I'm quoting myself when I write that, but it sounds boring even to me.

Bonus third thing I just discovered about myself: This is the kids's last week of summer camp. I will mourn its passing.