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Location: Northern California

Sunday, May 20, 2007


Paradise lost, please return. Reward.

Self Portrait in Big Sur
Originally uploaded by marytsao.
I'm feeling the need to document something about the past few days. Hmm... What to remember and what to forget? Well, our visit to the Post Ranch Inn in Big Sur was really nice. Our cottage was perched on the edge of a cliff overlooking the Pacific Ocean. It was incredible. The service was excellent, the food was great. We loved everything about the place: the serenity hot pool overlooking the ocean, the exercise room, the spa, the trail to the restaurant that wound through a redwood grove, the ice chests placed periodically on the path that held bottled water, the intimacy and privacy of the grounds, the lack of electronic media including computers and televisions, the constant sound that is the ocean beating in the distance, the sunlight and the perfect weather and the light breeze, the pool and how we had lunch delivered while we sat under an umbrella reading. It was Paradise on Earth and we were lucky enough to experience it for a couple of days.

I needed the break but it unfortunately wasn't enough. Not sure exactly what would constitute enough or if the foul mood I've been in for weeks is here to stay forever. As I approach the anniversary of being five months sober, I would have to describe my overall state of mind as completely miserable. Oh, maybe that's not 100% true. Maybe I'm completely miserable about 50% of the time and totally happy the other 50%. And maybe that's normal. After all, who is happy 100% of the time? In that case I would have to describe my overall state of mind as moderately miserable with occasional light showers.

The kids are in bed now and the house is quiet. I can hear the trees outside moving in the wind. Maybe I'll find something wonderful on the Internet that will cause my mood to shift. If not, there's always tomorrow.