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Location: Northern California

Read all about the adventures of the Tsao Family during the summer of 2012

Monday, October 03, 2005


House of pee and poo

Toilet training: Day one

I have often thought that little children are very similar to animals, particularly dogs. The process of toilet training Emily has convinced me that I am right.

Conjure up an image of a pooch you know and ask yourself these questions:

1. Does he dig through garbage?
2. Does he eat his own vomit?
3. Does he seem unconcerned about horrible odors even when they emanate from him?
4. Have you caught him playing in the toilet? Even when the toilet water has been, shall we say, tainted?
5. Has he been known to pee on the rug, on the floor, and sometimes even in his own bed?
6. Has he ever left a turd (aka: done his business) in an obscure place in the room, like in the corner behind the curtain?
7. Has he ever left a turd in a not-so-obscure place in the room, like in the middle of the floor for you to step on and track all over the place?
8. When he was being trained to do his business outside, did you ever rush him out mid-stream in a feeble attempt to make something (anything) click in that little pooch brain of his? On your way out, did it hit you that you now have to clean 24 feet of wall and floor instead of just one spot on the rug?

Now, instead of picturing your favorite pooch, gaze upon this little girl and realize that in her case, the answer to all of the above questions is yes.

Add to the list of things I was never told about parenthood (before I became a parent): It's a dirty dirty filthy disgusting business.