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Location: Northern California

Read all about the adventures of the Tsao Family during the summer of 2012

Friday, February 23, 2007


The one where I write about thongs

I think I may have let Susan's praise from yesterday go to my head. After I read her post I hijacked a cloud nine and floated down to Loehmann's in San Francisco, where I spent an obscene amount of money on designer sunglasses so big I was embarassed to wear them when I went to pick up Emily at preschool today. Preschool pick-up is often my litmus test while clothes shopping. When considering whether an article of clothing--say, a pair of navy blue, patent leather platform pumps--should find its home in my closet, I wonder to myself if I would wear it in front of a dozen other moms dressed in jeans and wearing Merrells.

Needless to say, they answer is many times, no.

Apparently my inner suburban shopper was on hiatus yesterday. I'll have to post a picture of my glasses to get your feedback on whether or not they're appropriate for a person who isn't Nicole Ritchie and who isn't leaving her rock star boyfriend's house at noon looking dishevelled. You know, a person like me.

Have you ever been to Loehmann's? It's not for the fashion faint of heart. They carry designer clothes at discount prices, but unlike Ross Dress For Less, Marshall's, or TJ Maxx, their stock consists of high end designer clothes. So even though the cotton tunic top I liked was discounted 50% off the original price, the original price was $400.

In 1987 I paid $160 a month in rent. Twenty years later I'm trying on shirts that cost that much. I'm not sure how to analyze that data, but it's something I try not to think about while in dressing rooms. It's best that I just keep reminding myself things like, 50% off! or girl, that dress makes your butt look positively tiny!

Speaking of dressing rooms, the dressing room at Loehmann's is an experience unto itself. It's one large room with mirrors on every wall. You undress, try on clothes, and crane your neck to see if your butt looks acceptable in front of a bunch of other women doing the same thing. Again, not for the faint of heart. Also, am I the only woman who hasn't gone thong? Why even bother with underwear at all, I ask you? Harumph, the inner suburban shopper is back.

Anyway. After spending an amount yesterday equal to the monthly rent I paid in 1999, I'm considering giving up clothes shopping for Lent. Except since I no longer smoke, drink, have casual sex (with strangers), and I only swear after the kids are in bed, I think giving up clothes shopping would be ugly. As in me tearing out my hair in clumps and jumping off the roof wearing a bath towel as a cape kind of ugly. And that just wouldn't be pretty, designer sunglasses or no.

But what I really wanted to tell you was that I hate thongs.