How to make sandwiches for a bunch of ungrateful kids

This afternoon, Mike, the kids, and I went to a picnic at our local rec center. It was a gathering of a newly formed local parents's group. Mike and I feel it's important that we are a presence in our local community even though we also feel that hanging at home drinking light beer is a fine way to spend the weekend, too. We decided that since tonight we're getting dressed up and going to a wedding party for some friends (No kids! A babysitter is coming!) and chances are a yummy cocktail or two will be involved, that we should forgo our normal "first drink at noon" weekend schedule and drag our family over to the rec center with a tray of child-friendly sandwiches for a bunch of local rugrats to devour ravenously without so much as a thank you.

I swear I'm only this bitter when I'm blogging.

The picnic was very nice even though it was freezing cold. And by "freezing" I mean it was 60 degrees out. Brrrr. Of course, I was wearing flip flops to show off my new pedicure, but really. Bay Area weather is so unpredictable sometimes.

Here's my recipe for how to make kid-friendly sandwiches that will disappear from the food table before you can say go wash your hands! Kid-friendly means that they contain no peanut products, no vegetables, no spices, and wouldn't even be healthy at all if the sandwich bread wasn't iron-fortified.

For an equally unhealthy--but vegetarian--option, omit the luncheon meat.

Kid-friendly ham and cheese sandwiches

1. On a cutting board, line up as many pieces of soft white or wheat bread as the board will hold.
   
2. Slather each piece of bread with a thin layer of mayonnaise.
   
3. Place three or four pieces of thinly sliced ham or other luncheon meat on each piece of bread. Lightly press the meat onto the bread and make sure it is smooth.
   
4. Place a slice of whole milk, processed American cheese on each piece of bread.
   
5. Top each with another slice of bread.
   
6. Using a long knife with a serrated blade, slice the crusts off each sandwich.
   
7. Depending on the shape of the bread, cut in half lengthwise to make rectangles or crosswise to make triangles.
   
8. Arrange artfully on a plate, realizing as you do that no kid will care about your presentation.
   
9. At the picnic, manage to get one small sandwich for yourself. Relish its blandness.
   
10. Take a photo of the empty plate.
    
11. Wish somebody had said, "Hey! Good sandwiches!"
    
12. Ponder the fate of motherkind and realize you are carrying the torch.
    

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