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Read all about the adventures of the Tsao Family during the summer of 2012

Sunday, July 30, 2006


Post BlogHer Depression or Why Can't I Stop Crying?

So I held it together pretty well during BlogHer and didn't openly sob too many times although I defintely got verklempt during at least three moments:

  • During the morning presentation when Lisa Stone's power point presentation had a music malfunction and the crowd spontaneously started singing "All You Need is Love" to accompany the slide show of quotes from women bloggers about how their blog has changed their world. I had to quickly pretend that my mascara was clumping to avoid having tears run down my face. I tried to sing the song but I couldn't do it; my voice kept catching. Music affects me. There's more to it than that, but sometimes I'll tear up when I hear a particular song on the radio. For example, I'll probably never be able to hear "All You Need is Love" ever again without choking up.

    [Mindy of the Mommy Blog has a video clip of it here.]

  • At Friday night's cocktail party, I was sitting at a table with Gwendomama, Jenijen of Not Calm (dot com), and Mary Beth of Supafine and the talk turned to kids and illness, and Gwen told us a little of her story of dealing with doctors during her son's illness and subsequent death (she's blogged about his death so I'm not revealing a non-blogged about secret), and eventually Jen just broke out a pack of kleenex and everybody took one.

    Whoever says mommyblogging is silly and trite is a dumb ass.

  • The closing keynote got me several times, but I think I might have openly sobbed after Catherine of Her Bad Mother asked the panel about how to be fearless in motherhood (having found it much easier to be fearless as a woman professional and academic) and Caroline Little told a very personal story about a conversation she had with her dying mother. Caroline had been a rebellious teen and I guess she had asked her mother about it. Caroline had assumed her mother didn't support her, but her mother confessed that she had been so afraid during that whole time. Wow. Finally being able to figure out how the other side--the mother's side--to the story of a mother/daughter relationship. As both a mother and a daughter, her words and her story really spoke to me.

    I'm not even sure if Caroline's story came immediately or some time after Catherine's query, but I was extremely moved during the closing keynote when the women spoke about being mothers--and about being daughters--and about supporting daughters and girls in our society. There was so much I loved about the keynote. Chris Nolan led it and she did a great job; I was glad I got the chance to tell her so on the way out.

Yes, I managed to make it through the conference and the ride home and the conversation with Elizabeth and the driving of her to the airport this morning. But in the car coming home from the airport, I just started sobbing. But in a good way, ya know? And when I started telling Mike about the conference during lunch, I found that I could not describe certain moments (like when I took the opportunity to thank Heather for all she's done for bloggers as a trendsetting and pioneering entrepreneur) without choking up. At least he handed me an old Starbucks napkin and didn't laugh or anything. Even though I only called him once during the entire time I was gone.

This conference represented many things to me both personally and professionally, and my interactions with the wonderful women I got to talk, laugh, and sleep with (sorry, I had to throw that in there, Karen!) were as satisfying and important as I knew they would be.

So it's really no wonder that today I was shot, physically and emotionally. Kristen's feeling some of it, too. I suspect many of us are.

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