I think I'm turning into cheese, I think I'm turning into cheese, I really think so
Step 1. Wake up with the sun in your eyes; realize that it's a "beautiful day."
Step 2. Go to playground with Thomas while Emily is in preschool. Chat with other moms about dads who binge drink and make sexist remarks at PTA fundraisers. Be happy you are not married to that guy.
Step 3. Instead of getting upset, laugh when Thomas dumps an entire bag of goldfish crackers out onto a bench. Remind him to share his crackers with the other kids. Realize why you have never used or blogged about that sanitizing product that the Clorox company sent you: you could care less about hidden germs; you'd rather worry about problems you can see.
Step 4. Be happy you are not that mom when you realize she won't let her little girl eat any of Thomas's crackers because "they're not on a serving tray."
Step 5. Go to get Emily from preschool and try to wait quietly by the door while the teacher finishes reading a book to the kids. When Emily sees you and her face lights up, shake your head and hold your finger to your lips so that she'll remain quiet during the rest of reading time.
Step 6. Realize you've made your little girl cry.
Step 7. Feel like a shit head.
Step 8. While appologizing to Emily and making sure the incident won't lead her straight into therapy, ignore Thomas long enough for him to start playing with a pair of scissors.
Step 9. Finally get both kids out to the car without any more incidents of parental emotional abuse and/or neglect, and hit the highway for your fieldtrip to Cowgirl Creamery in Point Reyes.
Step 10. Enjoy the beautiful, sunny day.
Step 11. Reward yourself 10 mom points for listening to classical music in the car.
Step 12. Eventually decipher Thomas's whining to mean he wants you to change the music.
Step 13. Make it to Point Reyes and buy $40 worth offat cheese, glorious cheese and other assorted cheese accompaniments at Cowgirl Creamery. When the salesclerk asks if you'll need a picnic knife, laugh and tell her you think you can make it until you get home.
Step 14. Drive home very fast.
Step 15. Eat much Mt. Tam triple cream cheese on sweet onion & creme fraiche sourdough flatbread topped with cranberry tangerine chutney. Remind yourself that tomorrow you will work out extra hard.
Step 16. Agonize about how to end your blog entry. Decide nobody really cares and most people are still wondering if they know the guy you mention in Step 2 or the mom you mention in Step 4.
Step 2. Go to playground with Thomas while Emily is in preschool. Chat with other moms about dads who binge drink and make sexist remarks at PTA fundraisers. Be happy you are not married to that guy.
Step 3. Instead of getting upset, laugh when Thomas dumps an entire bag of goldfish crackers out onto a bench. Remind him to share his crackers with the other kids. Realize why you have never used or blogged about that sanitizing product that the Clorox company sent you: you could care less about hidden germs; you'd rather worry about problems you can see.
Step 4. Be happy you are not that mom when you realize she won't let her little girl eat any of Thomas's crackers because "they're not on a serving tray."
Step 5. Go to get Emily from preschool and try to wait quietly by the door while the teacher finishes reading a book to the kids. When Emily sees you and her face lights up, shake your head and hold your finger to your lips so that she'll remain quiet during the rest of reading time.
Step 6. Realize you've made your little girl cry.
Step 7. Feel like a shit head.
Step 8. While appologizing to Emily and making sure the incident won't lead her straight into therapy, ignore Thomas long enough for him to start playing with a pair of scissors.
Step 9. Finally get both kids out to the car without any more incidents of parental emotional abuse and/or neglect, and hit the highway for your fieldtrip to Cowgirl Creamery in Point Reyes.
Step 10. Enjoy the beautiful, sunny day.
Step 11. Reward yourself 10 mom points for listening to classical music in the car.
Step 12. Eventually decipher Thomas's whining to mean he wants you to change the music.
Step 13. Make it to Point Reyes and buy $40 worth of
Step 14. Drive home very fast.
Step 15. Eat much Mt. Tam triple cream cheese on sweet onion & creme fraiche sourdough flatbread topped with cranberry tangerine chutney. Remind yourself that tomorrow you will work out extra hard.
Step 16. Agonize about how to end your blog entry. Decide nobody really cares and most people are still wondering if they know the guy you mention in Step 2 or the mom you mention in Step 4.
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